Ups and Downs

[Energizer Bunny]

Just went for a long walk.

I keep wondering how W will keep focusing o the bad times and if she will ever remember/miss/want the times of closeness, fun, loving, caring, etc.

Sad part is right now, she sees all of these memories through a filter. She doesn't see them the same as she used to. I'm probably seeing them through a filter too. I may even see them as better than they really were.

It doesn't help that I had dreams last night...then woke up to reality.

I've gotten a little better. Those moments where I have been in my place of "strength and power" have come. They've been short lived, but they have come. I'm not showing this side to her anymore either. That's another step in the right direction.