What to do when H doesn't contact?

[The Wifey]

Ok, Lost, as promised I came to check on you.

KWIM is know what I mean.

I went back as far as page 10 to try and find the letter you wrote. If it is on an earlier page you'll have to tell me.

No matter what it says, it is ok to tell the WA that you forgive them. Then you have to believe and live it. Let go and let God is more than a catchy phrase. In one of my low moments God told me to embrace uncertainty.

You are in limbo right now. Agonizing, painful, not sure which end is up limbo. Believe me when I say you will get stronger through this. You will grow and blossom no matter what happens with your M.

Right now you have got to force yourself to make a daily list of what you need to get done that day. Give one-on-one time to your kids. They are both hurting tremendously. And, be gentle with yourself.

Every time you agonize over your H, his depression, when will he contact any of you, why he is doing this, whether other people in his life are pro-divorce, what lies he's told, etc, etc, etc it is taking energy away from your healing and the healing of your children.

You have got to let him twist in the wind a little right now. Take a breath and step back. Think of the pain like touching a hot stove. If you do that you get burned. Nobody willingly touches a hot stove. But, we as LBS's are so trying to find some reason, some logic for why this has happened to us that we put our hand on that stove over and over.

His anger is his mind twisting. His no contact is his choice right now. He's still in the man-cave and you can't force him to come out.

In the meantime, you have to grow. This is a test and there are no do-overs. Even if he came home right now, today, yesterday - this really has happened and it doesn't just magically change.

I know people can recommend any number of books to you on this site. I have two I recommend that you should read in order. 1) Life Strategies- Doing what works, Doing what Matters by Phillip McGraw (written before he became Dr. Phil of the Opra show, etc) and 2) The Richest Man Who Ever Lived: King Solomon's Secrets to Success, Wealth, and Happiness by Steven K. Scott.

This is your time to grow. This is your time and you have to grow. Easy - nope. Necessary - yup. Unfair - no.

Please read these, take notes, apply them to your life, and keep loving those kids with all your might.

I have to tell you the neatest thing my son ever said to me. When I said I didn't know what I was going to do if his father didn't come to his senses, he said, "I'm going to tell you what you are going to do. You are going to keep on being an awesome person." It made me cry.

Since then I've learned that people don't just "come to their senses." It takes time, lots of time. You have to grow and become stronger. Take comfort in the fact that no one can get a D over night. You have time. What you choose to do with that time is up to you.

Grow or touch the hot stove? Its your choice.