Hey Oz ... what they do will always hurt us - we love them and no matter what, their actions cut deep. We can DB as much as we like but we can not, and should not, deny our feelings - we have to accept them and work with them this, I suppose, is detachment time.
You seem to be digging your head out of the sand now and starting to open your eyes too ... you will be feeling flat and even though tonight may not be the thing you are looking forward to right now, to go will do you a power of good. I agree with SD that you should not answer your phone!
Thinking coldly about this, now would be the right time to LRT your H and ask him when he is moving to his friends house. That would mean you wouldn't have to worry about cooking or laundry for him! I know where you are at though, and like you, I would not want to fly in the face of him leaving. What I do think is that you could do with some good expert advice here to make it harder for H to cake eat.
I'm with you on the low down mood bit ... but won't hijack your thread - will go post on my own!
Keep your chin up as much as you are able - I know it won't be very high but you get yourself dressed up later and go party! I think that weekends are always the most difficult to deal with.
Catch you later ((Oz))
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Have just got back home, H did not ring, but then I don't think I really expected him to.
The night ended on an interesting note though. I have a fashion parade to go to Tuesday night, well one of the models has pulled out and I was asked to take her place. All my friends were encouraging me to do it, so I agreed. I have to go tomorrow to the shop providing the clothes to get my outfits sorted.
Makeup and hair will all be done on the night. This is really taking me out of my comfort zone, but I am willing to do it although I will be so nervous I hope I don't fall over. At least my friends will be there.
I would so love to tell H about this but I guess my new plan is to become mysterious so I can't.
Weekends are definitely hard, I find it particularly hard as the friends I have dinner with are all couples.
I don't know if LRT is for me just yet as asking him when he is going to move is something I just couldn't do, well not yet anyway.
I still need to absorb everything Gucci has said to me and get my head around it all, facing the very real possibility of an A puts another spin on it all for me, it is just one more thing to add to the list that has to be dealt with.
I would so love to tell H about this but I guess my new plan is to become mysterious so I can't.
"I guess" my new plan is?
How about.. "My NEW plan IS"
Come on.. Let that confident woman rise to the top...
Of course you should be mysterious. Mysterious women are quite attractive to us male species....
Of course, there is no reason you can't leave a bunch of "subtle" clues to your mystery....
Be all decked out and looking and smelling great as you are breathlessly getting ready to go out...... Not saying a thing to him about your plans... (until he asks you)
If he asks you then...."Oh I am going to start modeling a bit, but I am in a hurry because I am running late... talk to you later" (as you rush out the door, start the car, (look in the rearview mirror at your hair, then back out the drive)
I thought you women knew all this stuff? My wife and daughters sure talk likewomen know how to be mysterious and plan how and what and why they are going to respond to a man they like. Plotting every move... What to say, how to say it...
I think you know how, but don't have the confidence that he will actually chase you if you showed him the attitude of .... "Who needs this? Not me, find someone else that will let you treat them like crap.. not me, I am not wasting one SECOND more on a man who can't be true and faithful.. ta ta"...
You can't see the strength in that? The reason it makes you MORE attractive? That if he would let you go, that you really DO NOT need that from a man? Self esteem and confidence will do wonders for how you think about these things. If you were confident enough, you wouldn't hesitate to call his bluff.
Those are the women with the most success with us men... We get bored and tired and don't respect women who chase us. We prefer to chase because it excites us and keeps us from the boredom of everyday life....
This is REALITY... Reality shows that the person that seems to care the least is in charge of the relationship... Reality shows that chasing doesn't work and actually turns the person you are chasing OFF...
Confidence has never been a strong point of mine, but I am slowly learning and have made some progress of late.
I now walk tall with a confident air about me which I have noticed seems to attract attention.
Since I have lost the extra 10kilos, I now feel more confident and sexier in myself which now shows in what I wear and how I wear it.
I am very naive when it comes to being mysterious and planning what I will say and how to say it, my H was my first and only BF and it has been many years since I flirted or played at being mysterious.
Okay Gucci it IS my plan to become mysterious to my H.
The fashion parade will be a very big thing for me to do as I rather shy of being on show with a large amount of people looking at me. I am hoping this will boost my confidence.
As you say, I probably know how to do it, I just have to rummage around in my mind and find the instructions and yes I am not sure he will actually chase me.
H won't be home when I am getting ready to go, so would I handle it the same way when I get home later in the night? Should I ask D to not tell H where I am as he will definitely ask her, I can guarantee that.
That is definitely out of my comfort zone but I think it will be fun, most of the women all know each other and it will be an informal parade where you wander around the tables. I will love getting my hair and makeup done.
One thing I mean't to mention about H's friend that he was "going to live with for a bit" has been D twice. Both W's had A and left him, so how he could condone what H is doing I will never know, maybe that is why he can't look me in the eye.
H won't be home when I am getting ready to go, so would I handle it the same way when I get home later in the night? Should I ask D to not tell H where I am as he will definitely ask her, I can guarantee that.
#1....Get home MUCH later. Even if you have to drive around endlessly for a couple of hours. Be home later than he is.
Tell the daughter only the information that you would want to get filtered back to him. Nothing more. You want her to honestly have to say "that is all she told me"...
Just tell her..."I am going to start modeling"...(or something to that effect)
I would recommend another tactic that has great success...
When you DO come in late.... be on your cell phone.. talking.. loud enough for him to hear, but acting like you are whispering too loud, but not loud enough for him to hear exactly who you are talking to or if it is a woman or a man....... a little belly laugh for effect now and then as you open the fridge.. walking with phone in hand talking, laughing, giggling....
then hang up the phone and go to bed.. don't even mention a word.. go about your business....
mystery... who is she talking to?....
if he asks later.... "I told daughter to tell you I decided to start modeling, didn't she tell you?"....
then drop it.. no big deal... go about your business.. you aren't even thinking about him.... (he will hate that)
just a couple of ideas for you... some of them are the very things I have had women do to me or other men that I can tell you worked like a charm... (of course I never let on that I was watching intently out of the corner of my eye)
Gucci, can you check in on Energizer Bunny? He is having a very hard time right now.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
