Ups and Downs

[givingitmyall]

I find that LOUD music and a very heavy workout work wonders.

And sometimes, the scenery at the gym aint bad either.

[Energizer Bunny]

good call.

[Butterfly1]

Exercise and cleaning the house - that's what's getting me through these days. Highly recommended. Stay busy. Don't sit still.

[Energizer Bunny]

Made it through the night.

Numbness is back.

She left almost as soon as I got home last night. She said she was going "shopping." (for 4 hours) I still catch myself wondering and trying to understand. "Did she leave because of the uncomfortable situation at our house? Is she having a hard time facing me knowing that I have 'given in?' Can she still be angry with me? About what? I have given her what she wanted. Does she feel bad? DOES SHE FEEL ANYTHING?"

I try to leave it alone, but it is hard. I have accepted that she is going though. I am almost looking forward to it in a weird way. I just want to be able to go home to some peace for a change.

[Energizer Bunny]

Damn numbness comes and goes quickly.

I'm sitting at work. My chest is getting tight. I'm short of breath. I just want to curl up and go to sleep.

I've had this nightmare where my W wants to leave before. Thank God she has woken me up, wrapped her arms around me and told me it was just a dream. She loves me. She's never going anywhere.

When is she going to wake me up?!?!?!?! Why can't this just be a bad dream?!?!?!?!!?

Please God, let this just be a BAD dream!

[Orich]

Hang in there, is there someone at work who you can talk to just to distract you? Can you get up and do something to occupy your mind?
I've had panic attacks before, you might be close to one, find some way to focus on something else, anything else.

[RedSoxFan]

I am sitting in a big empty house while my wife is out shopping for a new place. This is SO freaking wrong.

Get to your place of strength and power. For me its headphones with favorite music LOUD and out on the streets running. I can be anxiety ridden and shaking one minute and feel like I am on top of the world flying the next. That's the ME that W fell in love with. That's the ME that people gravitate toward.

[Energizer Bunny]

Just went for a long walk.

I keep wondering how W will keep focusing o the bad times and if she will ever remember/miss/want the times of closeness, fun, loving, caring, etc.

Sad part is right now, she sees all of these memories through a filter. She doesn't see them the same as she used to. I'm probably seeing them through a filter too. I may even see them as better than they really were.

It doesn't help that I had dreams last night...then woke up to reality.

I've gotten a little better. Those moments where I have been in my place of "strength and power" have come. They've been short lived, but they have come. I'm not showing this side to her anymore either. That's another step in the right direction.

[Orich]

I wonder the same thing. How can she just forget about the good times? How can she forget how she used to tell me she could never imagine life without me? You said it right. They are looking through tainted filters. We hope that one day they lose the filter and can see clearly again.
I do know how you feel. I have had days of complete despair, and have wanted to just sleep for like a week.
Hang in there, I'm right there with you.

[Energizer Bunny]

Copied from Orich's thread:

Standing up to my W is kind of what got me here. So in my case, more of that would be more of the same. More of that hasn't worked.

What you call standing up to your wife does not mean taking a stand for your wife or loving her the way she needs.

How would your wife characterise your behavior that you call "standing up to my wife" ? One of the beautiful things about detaching is you can see the interactions like a third party. Helps you see things from a new perspective, awareness and helps develop compassion for your beloved's POV. Detaching allows you to start thinking.

I totally agree with having discernment for you particular sitch. I am challenging you to have a open mind. Let go of dysfunctional beliefs and do the work.

Cheers

This is where we can agree Coach. This is why I told her that I have accepted her moving out. I have not brought it up since then.

She knows this has been the biggest fear that I have ever had. She knows that I want to keep our family together. I told her Wednesday though that if this is truly what she feels she needs (to move out) I will accept it.

I think this got to her, probably only for a minute, but it was done completely out of compassion for her POV. Something that I would have never done before.

Trying to understand her has helped some, because I realized that until I did something like this, everything else would sound like empty promises and effort to manipulate her to her.