Ok, question for y'all. I've just been emailing X re: the kids. He emailed me last week and asked me if I'd gotten a job and I ignored it. Do I need or should I email him about the job? It shouldn't affect the kids or my caring the kids or taking them to therapies or anything, but I guess if they got sick he might have to take care of them if they got sick those 2 mornings. What do you think?
I don't know why, but I'm going to err on the side of positivity here, maybe X is just trying to make peaceful small talk?
That in mind, I agree and wouldn't say anything just yet, maybe after you feel him out a bit for a better sense of intent on the question you can simply say that something may be in th works.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Have you ever looked outside of Fl for a job? I know that here teachers are in pretty high demand. It doesnt seem like it would be so tough for you to find work!
I think that Ive read in other sitchs that you should tell him if you start working. I guess for financial reasons, or to not seem like you are hiding things, Im not sure. But it seems to me like you should be a little more sure of exactly why hes asking before you let him know.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Hi Karen! COngratulations on the awesome job! That will be perfect for you! I'd agree with Kat and wait until you have that job and some time under your belt before you let him know. I'm sure he's saying to himself, "Well, I'm just going to keep pushing and asking about a job every time I talk to her until she gets one." I really dislike his behavior. Talk to your lawyer as well and find out what LEGALLY you have to do.
I agree with you guys. This is kind of a tentative thing, a new daycare program starting up so I prob. won't tell X. I'm sure D9 or S15 will at some point anyway, so prob. not a problem.
X emails me today that he wants to have more school days b/c D9 gets to sleep later when he has her (we have to get up an extra hour b/c I drive them both, S15 to high school and then her school, and X has them ride the bus and they need more of a set schedule and not the back & forth of Wed. night. Of course, D9's there just with S15 when he's running/at work and I'm home with her. So I would argue that one. And will probably have to.
I sent him an email since he's wanting a more set schedule, that instead of him having Wed. nights he could have an extra night then before or after the weekends he has them or Saturdays on the weekends I've been having them. So the same number of days and no back & forth during the week. Or we could leave the schedule to Wed. night and every other weekend as we've been doing. If he has a problem with those options, I'll take it to my L.
The positive is not too many regrets over D him, more that it didn't happen sooner. I'm hoping some of this will get better when it's over. Although I'm probably wishful thinking.
H emailed me late last night. I just was reading email and discovered it. We were doing Wed. nights at his place and every other weekend. He says now that's too much back & forth for the kids, so he wants to have Sun. mon. tues. night and every other Saturday! Doubling his time with the kids before the hearing but that's just a coincidence right? This is the guy that was spending one night with them a week a year ago, and no overnights before that. Then the rest of the email:
Quote:
Speaking of confusing why were you at my complex today? did you plan on telling me about that? There are boundaries that need to be respected. while i wish i never had to interact with you i do so for the kids sake. i don't want to talk about any issues that don't relate to the kids, like (friends' name), nor do OW and i want unscheduled visits to my home.
I had dropped off D9's Nintendo DS at his apt. yesterday at her request. I was 2 blocks away from the apt. after meeting with her teacher yesterday. D9 wanted help with her homework, so I went to the park next door and we sat on a bench and spent an hour on that. She can't do it by herself, and he was at work.
The friend stuff is I made a mistake last week. One of my friends (and his but I'm on his fb so I got his email) has had medical/hospital/money issues and was freaking out, and trying to sell his stuff at a garage type sale. I forwarded the email to X, b/c I couldn't afford to help the friend out, but I was worried about him. Our friend sounded at the end of his rope & scared and has some mental issues so I was really concerned. I know I shouldn't have done that and won't do it again.
Um, what does OW have to do with me dropping off D9's Nintendo? I knocked at the apt. door and D9 came out and got it. I never have gone inside his skank pad, and don't intend to. And does he think I enjoy interacting with his sweet self?????? I haven't emailed back yet; I know I need time to cool down. Is this something I should try to handle, or just forward to my L or what do you think????
I'm also worried. When I dropped the DS off to D9 yesterday and helped her with homework, she told me she doesn't think she should tell X about that. I guess she realizes his temper/issues like when he took photos of her sunburn, and etc. I told her that she should feel free to tell him and she shouldn't keep stuff from either parent. But the truth is, she's probably right. He's a freak...
I would call the lawyer about his wanting to change the schedule once again. You are exactly right that he is upping his time before the hearing. Especially since he can't seem to help his kids with homework, etc. when they are there. Thank goodness you are a good mom, Karen. Remember that, over and over....YOU are doing the right thing for your KIDS.
No changes until this thing is done I would think. What a creep. He isn't out for anyone else but himself and all that anger I believe is really what he feels for himself. He just can't admit that so he directs it at you. I felt sick reading his stupid e-mail. blech!!!
hang in there. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Speaking of confusing why were you at my complex today? did you plan on telling me about that? There are boundaries that need to be respected. while i wish i never had to interact with you i do so for the kids sake. i don't want to talk about any issues that don't relate to the kids, like (friends' name), nor do OW and i want unscheduled visits to my home.
I'm starting to think what Dday has been saying, that our ex's are all on the same drama schedule. Actually, I think their brains are all tuned to the same radio frequency: plan 9 from outer space, or something like.
Karen, my xW said almost the same thing to me last week. The prior Sunday she had IM'ed me to ask for some school papers -- so I scanned them into a large PDF document and tried to email them to her -- three times, but her email wouldn't accept them as her mailbox was full. I tried to tell xW to clear out her mail to make space but she couldn't seem to understand or acknowledge.
So, last week, I too was passing by and had the original papers and some personal items for S8 and dropped by unannounced. It only took a minute and I got to hug my S's --xW said nothing at the time. But when I got back home, I had a nasty-gram waiting in my email. Yes, as you can guess, she objected to me dropping by unannounced, giving the excuse that it "disrupts" our S's routines. (She's so full of b-s; I know for a fact that she doesn't keep them to any routine. And it's just more "do as I say not as I do" nonsense.) She even threatened that she was going to have to have the parenting coordinator set me straight.
But with a WAS, no good deed goes unpunished. So I'm not going to be so accommodating the next time she asks me for something.
Wdid, I just forwarded the email to my L. I will let her deal with it, or at least hopefully get some input on it. Kat, I felt sick (and angry too) when I read that. I had errands and driving the kids around all day so I've cooled off.
OK, is it a full moon or something. I had a weird day. I got a flat tire, a nail got stuck in it and it's toast. I have the roadside assistance that came out and changed it, and then I bought a new tire. It was a good thing maybe b/c the tire guy said 2 of my other tires are toast and I need to replace them so I will Tuesday (when I have enough cash). Then I picked up D9 and took her to therapy and got pulled over again for speeding. I was just thinking about therapy and chatting with D9 and oops! I did it again! The officer was so nice--I didn't have my tag or insurance (it was in the glove comparment but the repo guys took it out when my car got repod. Although X had the tag, I need to email him about that--tomorrow. I unloaded all this stuff on the officer-I'm going through divorce-I got a flat tire-taking my kids to therapy-the car got repod last week so they took out my paperwork. He was so nice only gave me a $10 ticket on the insurance stuff, and no points, and he didn't give me the $200 ticket he could have. So I actually feel very lucky today really!!!
I got a chuckle actually, just reread X's email about me respecting his boundaries. Come on, that is funny don't you think??? For him to say that to me!!!
I did a polite email back and said I'm thinking about the custody stuff and will get back to him. Told him about my meeting with D9's teacher. Said I didn't think to email before I dropped off D9's nintendo ds, but will in future.
NC, I'm sorry your X was a jerk about you dropping by, but made me feel better that I'm not the only one! You know, I recall at least once he's done that at my house, looking for D9's backpack when he raced off and left it. I didn't get upset over that though. Sometimes I think he needs prozac more than I do!!!
The one thing I am so glad I've learned is waiting to email until you are cooled off. Whew!!!
I haven't emailed back yet; I know I need time to cool down. Is this something I should try to handle, or just forward to my L or what do you think????