Ha! Love that you`re treating yourself to being a teen all over again, Cat!
I know I became less fun through all the years of domestic toil,full time job and resentment for all I took on. I basically did took on most of the stuff and blamed H cos I was left with most of the stuff to do.... Yeah, daft I know.
This week has been all about letting go for me. Letting go of H. Letting go of the kids to an extent.Well, in a way that lets them figure out stuff for themselves and be more independent. Letting go of fear, worry.
Raising the fun bar higher for me. Stretching my risk taking capabilities.
Yeah, read a lot of Sylvia Plath, Cat years ago. Found her strangely complusive though very self absorbed.
I think we draw out the madness in our partners.I`m working on that theory anyhow. yeah, family of origin stuff causes a lot of it but we pick `em for some kind of healing-which may happen-through all this pain.
I dunno. Its something I`m trying to work through very literally.
This time last year I was crazy with jealousy knowing H did not love me and had withdrawn from me.He exploded in Oct almost literally from anger.
That left me quaking in fear. Literally feeling my heart thumping when I`d hear his footstep. And he was bubbling up with anger.
Now I`m calmer, he seems to be a whole lots calmer too. His old gentleness is returning.
Maybe its because I`m letting go.
Maybe its because I feel something healing inside of me at last weekends meditation.
But I do think I have the power to change him when I change me-for better or worse.
