Are ya' stayin' busy? It's hard for other people to relate to this 'living in limbo'...isn't it? It's where we're at right now. It is what it is. Hope you're doin' OK. It's a tough, hard road...but it's one we gotta go down. All we can do is our best...and learn, and improve during that time.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Busy with my dad's stuff.. hospice, rehab, getting the family on the same page. Big meetting tmrw but I don't know if we're ready to move towards hospice care or not quite yet. Logically, I don't think Dad wants to live like this, and I wouldn't want it for myself. Somehow it's hard to make the decision though when your dad can talk to you at times, but isn't quite coherent enough to say what he wants. It's a tough spot for us all.
It is limbo land... I had lunch with friends today from work. They seemed surprised I haven't filed after H being gone for 6 mths. I don't think I should have to do it. If he wants it, he'll file.
I did a 180 with my H today. Normally I text or email. Today I needed to pass along some info on one of his bills. Ran three times and then he answered. He said hi and how are you... more than I've heard from him in 3 months. It's a tough spot. I relayed the info and said goodbye first. Man, it was nice to hear his voice though... Still miss him.
I want to start a new thread but not quite ready. Want to focus on successes, great quotes, advice... but not me and my sad sitch. Nothing's going to chance unless H wants it too. I need to recite great quotes and advice... time to really think positive and look forward, not back!
Mnt, Where are you in Colorado? AND, where the heck are you golfing? Maybe we could meet up sometime? There are about 6 of us on this board from Colorado. I would love to have the support. Let me know if you want to connect. I'll even be around this Labor Day. My thread is on the midlife crisis forum under "how do you wait this out?" I'm golf girl!!
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
I will look for you, but anyone named Golf Girl would kick my rearend on a golfcourse... but it could be fun! I'm lucky enough to see Pikes Peak each morning if that helps...
My dad was moved to hospice today. I went to see him tonight and turned on the Broncos game. Dad and I talked about a couple games we went to when I was growing up. We were just listening to the game, and Dad reached his hand out for mine and said 'this might be our last game'. Oh... did I cry like a baby! I feel like I'm 14, not 44! I will miss him so much. But I have to be thankful that he's been able to communicate with me some, and share nice thoughts like this one about football. He seemed more peaceful tonight in the room, and though I thought about spending the night, I came home to be with my kids.
Hard stuff... and we have no idea how long the process may take. I hope to just treasure each exchange, each day.
As far as H, I wrote abt the 180 of calling the other day. The next day I dropped off mail at the shop and was in and out in 5 mins. But I was lookin' good!! Wore a dress to work with heels (normally a jeans and t-shirt kinda gal) and based on the compliments I was getting at work, I'm confident he had to be thinking I looked good when I came into see him.
Tmrw, I go to his store to sell the ski passes. Doubt I'll see him, but plan to be confident and pleasant either way. It's his loss if he can't see what a great thing we could have together.
I still can not fathom how my H could not be more responsive to my sitch with my dad, or respond to my messages about bills, etc. He isn't a mean guy so I can only assume he doesn't know what to say. Continue trying to be nice, but not a doormat. Time will tell if it's the right course, but it feels right so I'm going with it.
Dad will pass away soon. Just when I think I've come to terms with it, I'm reminded of how hard this is and how many people are affected. My mom came into the hospice room tonight and said she wished she could go with him... makes me think of The Notebook. But that was a movie, and this is real life. 57 years, and she doesn't know how to live without him. Most of us posters here have been married for less years, but the same questions... Tough stuff.
I sent a message to my H today at my FIL's suggestion. Just let him know the status and if he wanted to come by and say goodbye, he should feel welcome. He wrote back "I'll try but I'm super busy this week". I know he is busy, and may not be in town much... but, the lack of compassion and seeing outside his own stuff is truly mindblowing. An alien replaced my H, a droid, and this guy doesn't know how to empathize, say he's sorry or reach out in even the smallest way.
I wish I could better understand his position. But that reminds me that my C said it's futile to trying to understand something that makes no sense at all. H has temporarily lost his mind, and until he wants to make changes, he is lost to me and to my dad and to the rest of us.
I started the pass sales at H's store this weekend. He hasn't been there b/c another sale going on, but I've had a chance to catch up with other friends and it feels more comfortable being at the shop now which is good.
Probably won't post until Dad passes away now. We're at the hospice room most of the time. But it helps to write, and try to process what's going on...
1. As far as H, I wrote abt the 180 of calling the other day. The next day I dropped off mail at the shop and was in and out in 5 mins. But I was lookin' good!! Wore a dress to work with heels (normally a jeans and t-shirt kinda gal) and based on the compliments I was getting at work, I'm confident he had to be thinking I looked good when I came into see him.
2. Tmrw, I go to his store to sell the ski passes. Doubt I'll see him, but plan to be confident and pleasant either way. It's his loss if he can't see what a great thing we could have together.
3. I still can not fathom how my H could not be more responsive to my sitch with my dad, or respond to my messages about bills, etc. He isn't a mean guy so I can only assume he doesn't know what to say. Continue trying to be nice, but not a doormat. Time will tell if it's the right course, but it feels right so I'm going with it.
Keep lookin' good! I know it makes YOU feel better...and this is about YOU now! Yeah, he saw you lookin' good too!
Yeah, it IS his loss if he doesn't reconcile. Good...be confident and pleasant regardless!
That's because he is not the same man right now! Don't assume! Be nice...but be assertive...and respectful...to yourself as well as to him. It feels right because it IS right...right now! Do what you gotta do to keep a fresh batch of endorphins bathing your gray matter!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I am making assumptions, and judgments too. I'm reading The Shack right now, and it may be human nature but I don't want to judge and assume I know what's going on with H. Yes, he isn't the same man right now. That's a fact. The whys are unknown to me, and don't need to be understood. Will just keep working on myself. There is much more to do, especially in these areas.
Dad passed away last night. It was very peaceful and he had my mom, my sisters and I by his side and my brother on the phone. We sang to him and he just drifted away.
I called H along with others to give him the news. He seemed distracted and didn't want to talk to me. But I said what I wanted to say, something to the effect of "I told my dad how you felt about him since you didn't get by to see him and you know he cared about you a great deal. If you want to come to the service, and it's completely up to you, this is the time and place" and then I got off the phone quickly.
My dad was an awesome man; generous, kind, honorable and good. These are traits I want to work on for myself as a legacy to him.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please write and write and write. Sometimes that is the only thing that helps me. You are a lucky girl to have a dad with those qualities. And your plan to aspire to those qualities is a sound and wonderful endevor.
And I am so sorry, I have not written you in a long while. I hope you are doing ok. My thoughts are with you. You sound as if you have some peace about the entire situation. I think this past one month has been a blur for me. I will go back and read up on how you have been doing so that I'm caught up and will write more tomorrow.
I just wanted to write and let you know you and your family are in my prayers.
And btw, I think what you said to your H is so honorable and kind and good!
