Stop helping her and for God's sake, stop with the flirty text messages.
You did that for 10 months and while you did, she had another guy's d*ck in her mouth. Stop printing pictures for her or enabling her. You are encouraging her.
She is not thinking that she can mess around with as many guys as she wants because you are not going to leave her.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
When she sent me the text about printing pictures, I knew what it was for. It was for my 3 year old's new class room - each year they ask for an updated family picture for his cubby. So printing a picture wasn't for her, but it was for my son. I could have taken a path of just telling her to deal with it, but if it wasn't done, then he is the one that loses. I wanted to make sure it was done, just like I had done all the other years for him as well as his brother.
I was in a more upbeat/positive mood yesterday after my run so when I talked to my boys, it seemed like it really came across. A couple of times when she had gotten on the phone to cover something tactical, I could sense she wanted to chit chat, but each time I just thanked her for the info and asked to talk to the boys again. I knew the boys could hear as she had me on speakerphone so I could talk to both boys at the same time.
Either way I didn't let her affect my mood. Maybe that's the detachment everyone has been pushing me for.
Personally, I feel like I've done all the work that I could to save the marriage. She hasn't nor does she have any indication to do so. Whether she does or not, I will be fine and will do the best I can to make sure that the boys are as well.
So when she sent me the text about the pics, I didn't respond to be flirty, but did it to mess with her mind a little. I know she regretted sending the pictures, partly because she is worried what I would do with them. It was my way of reminding her that I may still have them (she had asked me to delete them).
My read on her response is that she's had a "What the heck?" moment. So, perhaps for a brief moment, she's wondering what the heck I am doing. Let her wonder. It's her turn to be in the dark.
I never answered her nor do I plan to.
I will try to stay upbeat and positive to enjoy my life. It does not do my boys any good to hear/see me sad/down. So when I call/see them, I will continue to try do so. When she talks to me, I will listen if it's relative to the kids and be polite but will not be "friendly" to chit chat.
I'm done trying to convince her that what she has done and is doing is wrong. If she wants to talk about it at a later date, that will be her initiative.
Either way, at least for the last 14 hours, I feel I will be fine. She will always be part of my life as the mother of my two boys. Whether she will ever be any more than that, who knows. I don't have the option to choose whether she will be the mother of my two boys, but I'm not even sure if I would want her back as my wife.
So do I want to live my life where I'm hurt/mad/disgusted every time I see her or do I continue to try and detach not let her affect my mood. Now if I can mess with her head a little bit to make her do a "What the heck?", even better.
So I'm still in a good point.... for now......
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
(Sandi.....sitting at her computer......hand on chin......shaking her head in disbelief!)
No.......you messed up, so stop saying this is about your kids! You are not being honest with yourself. She didn't even have to set a trap for you, this time. If this is all due to an "upbeat" moment then you better put your guard on those moments or there is no telling what could happen with her.....or any other woman.....if you don't have better control than that. Don't bother to offer all your excuses b/c we have heard them all. Just man-up to the fact you were weak and apparently couldn't help yourself. However.....you better learn to help yourself of you can expect hell for the rest of your life!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
If you have a chance, could check out my thread? I think my W is slowly coming out of her fog and is going through bouts of depression. So I'd like your input.
Sorry for the hijack cipa.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
(Sandi.....sitting at her computer......hand on chin......shaking her head in disbelief!)
No.......you messed up, so stop saying this is about your kids! You are not being honest with yourself. She didn't even have to set a trap for you, this time. If this is all due to an "upbeat" moment then you better put your guard on those moments or there is no telling what could happen with her.....or any other woman.....if you don't have better control than that. Don't bother to offer all your excuses b/c we have heard them all. Just man-up to the fact you were weak and apparently couldn't help yourself. However.....you better learn to help yourself of you can expect hell for the rest of your life!
Sandi - not quite sure how I messed up. Should I have just not answered or kept it kept it strictly business?
I was playful because I was in a good mood plus I wanted to her wonder if I actually deleted the pictures. I didn't expect her to wonder what was up with my positive attitude
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
"If she wants to talk about it at a later date, that will be her initiative."
Nope it will be under YOUR terms. If she wants to talk about it, that's when you don't want to talk about it.
"Now if I can mess with her head a little bit to make her do a "What the heck?", even better."
Dude that's not detaching. Detaching is you don't even care about her so you don't even bother pushing her buttons.
I think I can see you setting yourself up again even with your denials.
Man - talk about a couple of kill joys :-(
I thought I did pretty good. She was wondering what was up and I didn't reply. I really think she is curious why I was in such a good mood. I wasn't in a good mood to make her curious, I just was. So even when she was texting, I didn't let it affect me. Now if she wasn't curious or anything like that, I wouldn't have cared either. Either way, I'm still feeling pretty good
I picked up my boys and on the way home we talked about what we were doing this weekend. We covered Fri, Sat and Sun. My 3 year old asked about going to the driving range. I said we could do that on Mon.
Then my 7 year old said that mommy told him they were going to be with her on Monday. I told him that Daddy isn't working on Monday and will be home so we can spend Monday together. I told him that we don't see each other as much as mommy sees them so that is what I want to do.
My 7 year old then said that was what he wanted to do as well. She had sent me an email earlier in the afternoon asking what was going on with Monday. I couldn't answer as I was driving. So I told him that when they talk to mommy tonite, to let her know. I did that not to avoid talking to her about it, but to "address" her email where she claimed our 7 year old said I wouldn't let him call her because he wanted to spend last Sunday with her and lied that she couldn't pick him up.
So we had a good soccer game. My 7 year old scored a goal and had 3 assist. We pretty much crushed the other team, even though we don't technically keep score. My 3 year old got to practice/warm up with the team (one of the perks of being the coach) so he had a blast as well.
On the way home back from soccer, they called their mom. I was worried as it rang so much I thought it was going to go to voice mail again, but she picked it up.
My 7 year old said immediately that they wanted to be with Daddy on Monday. I'm sure she was pissed, but I didn't care. She tried to sound all upbeat and sweet and said that was fine, whatever they wanted. Yeah right - they wanted their family to stay together and not having a mom that was running around their dad, but that's another issue. I don't sound bitter now do I?
Anyway, she talked with my 7 year old for a bit and then asked if my 3 year old wanted to talk. He said no
She then said goodnite and goodbye.
We got home and did the bath, play time, books and video thing before they went to bed.
They were both exhausted but they seemed so happy. It's great to be home with the boys. I still have the wedding pictures up so I did see them. It hurt me last week when I was here. Now I don't feel anything about them. Very odd. Is this normal?!?!?
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
