Divorce not busted 3

[sandi2]

Orich, as I've told you before, you remind me so much of how my H was for most of our M life. However, I have seen him change, so I know you can also. He was such a "nice guy" and so passive that everyone thought he was wonderful. However, I thought people took advantage of him b/c he would not stand up to them. Even without realizing it at first....I began to take advantage. The more he took from my mouth and my attitude....the more I gave! I did want him to stand up to me or to "fight" (not physically) with me....just DO SOMETHING FOR GOD'S SAKE! I was sick to death of him being passive!!

You said you were the strong silent type--and I nearly fell over, b/c that is exactly what I use to say about my H before we M. But often, what might attract in the beginning...is seen differently after time passes. What you see as being "loving" is not seen that way by your W. Now, if you will say what it was that you did that hurt her so badly, then maybe we can help with that....but if it was "things" in general, then I think she is BSing you.

There is another possiblity. I have seen in-law problems and it is not pretty. Some MIL's are wonderful, but the DIL is so jealous of the H's R with his mother. It is b/c of his failure to make the W feel like SHE is the most important thing in his life. Now before all the men nearly die....let me quickly tell you this. My H talked about me just like you talk about your W all the time. Yes he did! Only he talked about it to others when I wasn't around and he never told me! I was starved to death to hear those words of affirmation from him.....but he was the STRONG SILENT TYPE!! Or...so it seemed when he was around me! Perhaps you have never told her the things you've told us ABOUT her. Maybe she sees you having this loving R with your parents and she is jealous (and hates herself for feeling that way) toward them b/c she wants to be number one in your heart. Of course you know she is....and you think she should know it.....but if you don't talk to her about your feelings (and I just bet you don't)then how can she feel that secure? I know men don't understand this and think that b/c they said "I Do" on their wedding day, that should last a lifetime. But women don't simply want to only hear "ILY", they want all the other love conversations that goes with the ILY. Some guys would be shocked to realize their W feels insecure b/c he doesn't give them words of love conversation. If this is what she craves, then she wants to hear how wonderful you think she is! You talk as if you've expressed all of this before but I am wondering if you just think you've told her enough or if you've been more silent than you should be. Silence can kill a M. When you get to the retreat, you best not be silent any longer. Orich, please listen to me sweetie.....I wanted my H to open up his thoughts and feelings to me so badly that I would cry. I turned myself inside out for him and thought he would be the same toward me, but he didn't. He said he didn't know how. But, he always seem to know how to talk to dear old mom! It brought so much pain into our MR and I even thought that someday she would be dead and then I wouldn't have to deal with him always putting her above me. Thirty years later....it finally happened....she died. So much bad stuff had happended that I felt could not be restored and it was just....sad. Maybe your parents are super parents. But ask yourself if you might be making your W feel like she is not as important to you as they are. No...my H could not see it either, even though my SIS's tried to tell him....he still thought it was my imagination. That insulted me. Please don't be blind and search your heart and memory to see how she acts when the family gets together and when you speak of them. That might be your clue. It doesn't make her a bad person....it just makes her your wife! It is natural for her to want first place with you and it's your job to show her she is.

I'm only making suggestions.