Distraught by secrecy

[2inlimbo]

Hi, I've posted elsewhere. Quick story. 12 years marriage, husband decieved me on business deal 2002-2006. Life savings gone. Had EA 2007. H was distant late 2008. I found out about new EA ( I suspect PA ) 6/29/2009. Since 3/09 my H threatened me with D, blamed me for everything no matter how hard I DB'ed. I found out about A on 6/29 and went nuts. threw H out of house. H's biggest complaint has been my anger so that doesn't help, but who doesn't blow up when they learn of their H's affair?

Fast forward, I filed for legal separation (I'm Catholic), he countersued for divorce. I don't know where his R is at with this womand but I do know that her D finalized last week and my H went out with her that night. Classy!!

My question is, My H blames me for everything- accuses me of verbal abuse. I am guilty of being critical and nagging at times but nothing that justifies abuse. I think this is an excuse to blame me. I am trying to 180 but I keep flipping out and going nuts. It is becasue he appears so calm and cool. I want to know where he is, why is he not suffering as much as nme and my kids? It just piisses me off. I want to know where he is but he is so secretive. I have no secrets; I would tell him where I'm at anytime, but he yelled at me for asking his parents who he was taking to the baseball game.

I am in so much pain, he has countersued me for divorce and I don't want this. I am dying inside and he tells me he does not care. I know he is going forward with the slut, but he dienies it. How do I go forward, I feel like I'm going to die from the pain. My kids are suffering so much since he left.