I just wish I knew what it was going to take in order for her to really "open her eyes" regarding me and our MR!
I think you know in your heart that it is going to take a really hard knock of reality to hit your W right between her eyes. She has it as bad as any woman I have read about and I doubt anything short of her practically living on the streets are going to open her eyes. I think she could walk in on the OM having sex with three OW and he could lie his way out of it b/c she "wants" so badly to believe in her dream.
One thing in common that I've noticed in the posts that LBH's write is wanting to know what it will take to wake their W up. Here's the thing.....as long as the H waits around looking & hoping something is going to happen that will wake up his W or bring her to her senses.....I think he is setting himself up for a lot of intense pain. When you can learn to move on with your life and accept the fact that she has chosen the path she has--(doesn't mean you like it)-- and there's nothing you can do about it unless she decides to change her mind.....that is the time when you will start to have peace....and not before. So you are bringing a lot of pain on yourself by continually wondering what it is going to take for her. I know that the acceptance is a mental attitude and you can pretend all day long, but unless it is "real" then it doesn't work. I truly hope you can reach that place BJ.
I want to remind you men who read this that it took a long....long time for your W to reach this place of insanity! I wonder if some of you forget that. She may have dealth with a lot of cr@p for many years before her heart went cold. Some men say (rather self-righteously, I might add) that they would NEVER do what their WAW has done to them. Remember....men & women handle things differently. If we "think" differently, why would you expect us to handle things the same way? Just like BJ pointed out about "feelings" not being the primary factor (or however he said that) and it was hard to understand the female mind with so much being all about feelings. Let me say this.....EVERYTHING...EVERYTHING for a woman--is about feelings! She may "endure" for a long time--but don't confuse enduring with a lack of feelings. Even the WAW may say she doesn't have "feelings" for her LBH...but she does have them, it's just that they have changed. But again, that is the difference. I can't imagine what's in it for a man if there are no feelings. I think that some men in history began this thing about females being illogical b/c of all their emotions. Doesn't mean we don't have a brain in our head, but I'm sure we appear to be rather illogical compared to how a man operates. Anyway....most WAW's not only act illogical when involved in an A, but they feel as if they are losing their mind at times. Yes, BJ, I felt that I was having a nervous breakdown when I wasn't engulfed with the dizziness of my fantasy and that is why I believe a lot of women won't think about what is truly happening around them b/c they are feeling like they are losing their minds. Now, I hope that anyone reading this will realize that I am not speaking of women who have a real justified reason for leaving a H, but am talking about WAW's in an A.
One more thing I wanted to point out while I'm at it....and that is those of you who think they would romance their W all the time if only you had a second chance. I know you think you would, but right now...you see this as the "war" to win. But, after you had the "victory" and she was back home and things had gotten back on track again...you would return to the same old routine. At least that is MHO and I think most women of any age would think the same thing. You mean well--and to have improved yourself and not turn back on those improvements would be fantastic... but to romance a woman ALL THE TIME??? Hummmm, I would like to see that done in real life! So, maybe you can see why your W would doubt your good intentions. I keep going back to the fact of how long she may have gone unhappy and you didn't even notice. I'm not talking about Big John's stitch...but LBH's in general. When she feels like her very soul has dried up and she'll never have the excitement with a man like she did with you in the beginning of your R......she thinks that life is over for her as a young, sexually attractive female and she must simply "settle" for what she has around her. I understand how this is probably making you men fuss, but try to bear with me to understand her. She has a longing in her heart and is VULNERABLE and I wonder if men forget that. Some H's are so angry at the W that they forget she doesn't think and feel like he does!! She is different and no matter how many times science points that fact out --there will be some who won't listen. (Not you, BJ...but some.) By the time she reaches the WAW stage, she is in a dangerous frame of mind. This has been building for a looooong time! Okay, I realize I'm repeating myself. But when I saw the other man who posted, it made me remember that so many read these posts and I guess I wanted to bring that point home again.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Doesn't mean we don't have a brain in our head, but I'm sure we appear to be rather illogical compared to how a man operates. Anyway....most WAW's not only act illogical when involved in an A, but they feel as if they are losing their mind at times. Yes, BJ, I felt that I was having a nervous breakdown when I wasn't engulfed with the dizziness of my fantasy and that is why I believe a lot of women won't think about what is truly happening around them b/c they are feeling like they are losing their minds. Now, I hope that anyone reading this will realize that I am not speaking of women who have a real justified reason for leaving a H, but am talking about WAW's in an A.
