Hey gal! I just got you and lostlove confused on another thread and I feel like an absolute ass, so I thought I'd tell you about it in case you don't find it yourself.
So, I was wondering how things are going for you with H now that doctor has ordered no sex. Do you find that you complain less often now? Or do you find that you complain less because you are distracted by pregnancy?
Has the H done any R talking since you've been pregnant? Might be a good time to have those kind of discussions since there is another reason why you aren't having sex.
Thanks for the big hug. My H did have an affair too before we were married but it made no difference as we living together then. I found out about it when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant with my dd when the OW came to my home with a very ponographic sounding letter (meant to hurt me of course) about their affair. H says that they never went all the way but OW claimed that he wanted to. Oh well, it doesn't matter now but it was really hard to deal with it then as it was a physical affair and H is supposed to be the LD one! Thats in the past now so it really doesn't come in the picture anymore. H is really good to me now except for the LD which isn't really his fault. Other than that I have no complains. H hates relationship talks so its unlikely that I will take that route. LH
This is my first post and I've been thinking what to say for 2 days now and my thoughts are still all over the place so please bear with me My husband freely admits that as much as he loves me, he has no sexual desire for me. We've been together for almost 5 years and been married for 3 and this has been a problem off and on from the beginning. He tells me he loves me all the time, kisses me and we cuddle at night but that's as far as it goes. In that time, he had 3 PA's and no telling how many online ones. The first one was when we were engaged, the other two at the same time last year. When I found out about the ones last year I was going to leave but he agreed to go to counselling and work things out. The result was wonderful but unfortunately didn't last very long. I have always been very supportive of him and been there for him even through the rocky times as he has for me. This year I have been through a lot of changes inside. For one thing, I'm no longer willing to be in a sexless marriage. We went to counselling again earlier this fall and what came out of it was that there were 2 major changes that needed to be made in our lives and neither has happened. We talked the other day about things again and all I got was the same response......he feels bad because the desire isn't there and he doesn't want me to leave. I'm so frustrated on so many levels because I know how good things could and should be between us. We're best friends but we're platonic friends. To me, that's not what a marriage should be. I've told him many times that if the desire isn't there, it's not there and he shouldn't feel guilty about it hoping that would ease the pressure he's feeling. I don't know what to do now. I don't want to leave him but I feel that as long as I stay with him I'm living a lie and being untrue to myself. Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would be interested to understand the dynamic that keeps you chasing what, according to your description, is a total loser. I have seen this kind of thing many times. The girl is attracted to a guy that treats her like crap, or a guy that can pull her chain in any direction that he wants.
If what you say is true about your hubby, then you might consider insisting that he see a PDoc for evaluation (and meds). You might want to consider seeing an abuse counsler yourself.
Regardless of what you choose to do, it would be a great idea for you to continue what you have started, and that is to question what, when, and especially WHY things are the way they are in your relationship.
Please continue to post. There are a lot of good people here.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
My H did have an affair too before we were married but it made no difference as we living together then. I found out about it when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant with my dd when the OW came to my home with a very ponographic sounding letter (meant to hurt me of course) about their affair. H says that they never went all the way but OW claimed that he wanted to. Oh well, it doesn't matter now but it was really hard to deal with it then as it was a physical affair and H is supposed to be the LD one! Thats in the past now so it really doesn't come in the picture anymore. H is really good to me now except for the LD which isn't really his fault. Other than that I have no complains. H hates relationship talks so its unlikely that I will take that route.
My husband freely admits that as much as he loves me, he has no sexual desire for me. We've been together for almost 5 years and been married for 3 and this has been a problem off and on from the beginning. He tells me he loves me all the time, kisses me and we cuddle at night but that's as far as it goes. In that time, he had 3 PA's and no telling how many online ones. The first one was when we were engaged, the other two at the same time last year. When I found out about the ones last year I was going to leave but he agreed to go to counselling and work things out. The result was wonderful but unfortunately didn't last very long. I have always been very supportive of him and been there for him even through the rocky times as he has for me. This year I have been through a lot of changes inside. For one thing, I'm no longer willing to be in a sexless marriage. We went to counselling again earlier this fall and what came out of it was that there were 2 major changes that needed to be made in our lives and neither has happened. We talked the other day about things again and all I got was the same response......he feels bad because the desire isn't there and he doesn't want me to leave. I'm so frustrated on so many levels because I know how good things could and should be between us. We're best friends but we're platonic friends. To me, that's not what a marriage should be. I've told him many times that if the desire isn't there, it's not there and he shouldn't feel guilty about it hoping that would ease the pressure he's feeling. I don't know what to do now. I don't want to leave him but I feel that as long as I stay with him I'm living a lie and being untrue to myself. Please help!!!!!!!!!!!! 