Dear luvhubby, My advice: listen to Cathy47. I was in counseling and was told that for years I made excuses for my husband (and yep, they started during pregnancy when he said: i can't handle the weight) "making excuses' for his hurtful behavior led him to continue the hurtful behavior and EXPECT that I would put up with it. (Sort of Cathy's son's 'letting him walk all over you' explanation) There is a trick and i'm afraid I didn't learn it in time. Somehow, your h has to be accountable for his actions at the same time you have to be accountable for yours. And if there is enough love left, and I believe there is in your case, a good couselor can help you guys see that BOTH of you need to change in order to get the most out of your marriage. I think we position ourselves into these corners and we can't seem to find a way to talk about what is really going on in our own heads. So we continue to hurt amd also cause hurt. Re narcissism: yep I do think there is a lot of that out there. It is self centeredness to extreme. And I also beleive that more men are this way than women, tho I will probably be hammered for saying that. Women learn sooner how to nurture. Men often need taught by their wives and children, while most women learn it when they are children themselves. Your H can't love you like he loved his mummy, he needs to love you as a woman and partner. It's difficult for some men to grasp. Oh well, good luck and hugs from someone whose been there, done that. gd
