tubal? Tubal pregnancy or ligation? Either way, they do mess a woman up. That and perimenopause and you have a mess without all of the extra crap.
What about this male menopause? Horomones can really mess people up more than we think. And yes we ALL could have done stuff differently. Just like we can as parents. But there is not time machine, as much as we might all like one, only the ability to make the future different...
That is where I am going.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
You crack me up. No don't ever post anything about yourself.
Although I am curious.
Yes, I had the ligation. I was prepared because I just didn't want more, S was 14 and H was nuts. But it did cause some emotional chaos for several months as the body worked itself out.
Yes we all have things we didn't deal with correctly. You are down today, I can tell.
Ok so what do you tell everyone else?
It gets better and is just another leg of the coaster ride. I rode the Hulk twice in a row on Sunday (there was no line), and thought I was gonna die afterwards. My brain was shaken, rattled, and rolled and then my stomach was in my throat. But after that got on the Dueling Dragons. I guess I'm just glutton for punishment.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Have a great night. I know I have probably said way too much, but I will share one more thing and then you will have to figure out the rest on your own. Many years ago, many many years ago, I too went through I guess what would be called a life transition. Did some stuff that hurt people, stuff I am not proud of. Yes I, in many ways, had no control over what I was doing. I knew it was hurting others, I knew it was wrong, but I just couldn't stop. I didn't understand why I was doing the things I did, I just was compelled to do them because it was the only way to keep myself going at all. I was in a very bad place. I didn't deserve to be happy. I didn't deserve the people who were in my life. Did I have the guts to just say, I'm not good enough for you? No. I blamed, I ignored, I hurt people. I gave the ILYBNILWY speech. It was not my fault. But really, it was. It was just something inside of me that I had to fix myself. Did it last for me for years? No. For me it was about 6 months or so but the damage was the same. I have spent years and years trying to make up for that time. So what goes around comes around. Although it sure seems to keep coming around in my case. LOL. No, I am not responsible for H's stuff. I am maybe responsible for not recognizing he didn't finish the last time and if I had been stronger then, I could have done what I'm doing now, but again hindsight is 20/20. That is one of his reasons for all of this. Of course that didn't come with bomb 1, but bomb 2 (so it took him an extra year to decide that that still bugged him). It was just something he had to throw out at me because I really was not doing anything major wrong. But.....
So what have I learned lately? I have learned that I have a teenage S. I have a teenage/adult H. I am too serious and I want to be a teenager too. So that is what I'm doing. Not literally, but I am letting myself have a whole bunch of fun again. Not everything has to be so super serious. There is a line between responsible and too responsible. I have found it I think. I am not trying to fix H anymore (although the urge is there.) I am letting him figure out what it is like to be responsible for things that I usually took care of. Things he will have to take care of if he lives alone. Just like I am with my S. Really wierd but sort of liberating. And a whole new approach. And it has actually been fun, minus my really bad Saturday.
So that is what I'm doing. I look like I did at 17 again, why shouldn't I act like it a little. Just a little.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Ha! Love that you`re treating yourself to being a teen all over again, Cat!
I know I became less fun through all the years of domestic toil,full time job and resentment for all I took on. I basically did took on most of the stuff and blamed H cos I was left with most of the stuff to do.... Yeah, daft I know.
This week has been all about letting go for me. Letting go of H. Letting go of the kids to an extent.Well, in a way that lets them figure out stuff for themselves and be more independent. Letting go of fear, worry.
Raising the fun bar higher for me. Stretching my risk taking capabilities.
Yeah, read a lot of Sylvia Plath, Cat years ago. Found her strangely complusive though very self absorbed.
I think we draw out the madness in our partners.I`m working on that theory anyhow. yeah, family of origin stuff causes a lot of it but we pick `em for some kind of healing-which may happen-through all this pain.
I dunno. Its something I`m trying to work through very literally.
This time last year I was crazy with jealousy knowing H did not love me and had withdrawn from me.He exploded in Oct almost literally from anger.
That left me quaking in fear. Literally feeling my heart thumping when I`d hear his footstep. And he was bubbling up with anger.
Now I`m calmer, he seems to be a whole lots calmer too. His old gentleness is returning.
Maybe its because I`m letting go.
Maybe its because I feel something healing inside of me at last weekends meditation.
But I do think I have the power to change him when I change me-for better or worse.
I believe you are on the right track. Yes I did the assume the responsibility/resentment thing.
I too was full of the jealousy you speak of although it was 2 years ago for me. (right at this same time).
You will find you let go of everything to some degree. Although here is sonething I will share, I have been accused of not letting go (wierd I was thinking about that and my response to it before I read what you wrote), and my response was to put it on him. If he felt like I hadn't let go, I was sorry but I had. Then a few months later, I seem to have let go too much. He can't handle/understand why I don't want him talking to me etc...MLC madness at it's best.
I read somewhere that it can take us lifetimes to heal or 5 minutes. It is up to us. And yes the butterfly effect is a wonderful thing.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Times like this, when there is a ton of projection and anger toward us. It makes us ( at least me ) take another look into that mirror, and decide whether there is any truth to what they are saying.
I've become accustomed to it. I still HAVE to do it everytime to make sure I'm where I need to be.
That is one of the differences between having a MLC'er that leaves compared to a live-in.
It's a reflection period , but also one of the things that keeps me in check.
Made some plans for the weekend, and feeling quite good about getting out and having some fun.
Road trip time !!!!!
Jimbo and myself are heading to the Big Apple for a couple days and meeting up with one or two other DB'ers.
Curious ?
I'm sure we know at least ONE of the same peeps.....
Want me to list some? That way you can do this privatly ?
