I had anger prebomb 1, then alot of self blame bomb one, anger 6 months post bomb 1, then bomb 2 was filled with anger that lasted for about 7 months. Since then, anger days, lots of projection, but they are getting fewer and farther between. Yes, I too was in denial, whatever.... Since then, anger still but not so much directed at me. More at inanimate objects, and when at me, I simply do not accept any responsibility for it. Because I'm not.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Family of origin stuff is more powerful than people give credence to....
Cat- you are so right. My H is foreign-born, so I don't even know more less understand the family or the culture he grew up with. Misunderstandings are rampant and miscommunication is ongoing, prob since day 1.
Originally Posted By: cat04
Ok, gotta run to the grocery store and pick up the kid. Soon he will be driving me..
I'll have to go back and read your stitch- you and I both met H early (me at 19) and I think I could learn a lot from you about how to figure out how to be my own grown up person. My S16 hasn't started driving yet, which is ok with me
H 51/W 43 Together 24yrs/Married 19yrs 2 kids- D18 & S16 "I want out" July 2008 "I want out" Dec 2008 "I want you out" Aug 2009 Still in house thru it all
Hey this is my first thread as a healthy normal human. But I posted quite a bit to Fallgirl and Trustinginfaith. Just search Cat04 and read the posts. You will get the gist, even though there are not many details re my actual sitch.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I think everytime they start to process a new thing, they go through some anger. My H was actually angry with me for being told I was going to die by the doctor because it threw a monkey wrench into his having to think only about himself. Then a year later, because I so kindly turned to friends instead of him so he could deal, I was wrong for that. When I would have preferred to have him help me through that time and he was unavailable. Anger, guilt, and projection are such wonderful things.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I can see that, about the new things causing anger...
It's been a while, but there was a thread here at one time where it was discussed that they not only follow a script, But also have a very similar checklist of things that will make them happy. And one by one, they check those things off only to find another skeleton they weren't expecting.
I don't ever want to completely understand the confusion and anger that they have, but I would be lying if I said it did not intrigue me to some extent.
I agree and I remember the thread. I wish we could resurrect some of the old threads for the newcomers and even for those of us who need reminders sometimes.
I don't know if I ever want to understand it all either, I don't know if we can having not been there, just like with other mental illnesses. But it is very interesting. The workings of the mind have intrigued me since I was a child. Sylvia Plath was one of my favorite writers and if you don't know, she was extremly depressed and eventually committed suicide. Then there was the whole Sybil thing, which the real story, not the movie, was incredibly intersting. The mind protects us as well as causing pain and whatnot.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I'm not too sure that I was ever THAT interested until this happened.
Now my eyes are WIDE open to things I missed three years ago. Looking back though, all the signs were in place then, I just wasn't cognizant enough to recognize them.
I actually took the time one day to reflect on the signs that I missed leading into this thing that she is facing. Things I missed and should have noticed.
Then it occured to me that I DID notice them, they just didn't have the meaning that they do now.
That's how I know how much different I am now compared to then.
Don't beat yourself up. I actually am just shy of a Bachelor's in psychology and Interdisciplinary Social Sciences and I missed everything. Because I was right in the middle of it. Honestly, with H's family, I was waiting for signs of alcoholism and depression, but it didn't start that way. I too noticed them, they just didn't make sense individually. When you look back and put it all together...That is why they say hindsight is 20/20.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
She was on the MLC train from an early age with this. Lost her Father at an early age, Ironically the same age our Daughter turned right when this started.
But I think that it wasn't as much that as that her Mother was and is still a train wreck herself.
Throw in a depression, add a tubal ( which I hear affects women tremendously ), add a couple loser friends that are twenty years younger.....mix it up in a hat and PRESTO.....
But understanding MY role in this too. I clearly wasn't the genious I thought I was , and could have handled a lot of things differently.
I can't change what has happened, it just prepares me for the future. With whomever that may be with.
I would like for it to be with her, but it's truly out of my hands.
