Fallgirl, It's been a while since we spoke. I found out my H was having an EA/?PA and filed for legal separation, b/c assets were being moved around and I needed to protect myself and the kids financially. Reading through you posts, I would say be glad your H is still there- it gives you a chance to show him your improved outlooks and attitudes. Once he's gone, you don't see him and you've no idea where he's at, which is very hard.
I too pray the Rosary and always feel such peace afterwards. Our Lady will take care of us when we're in pain. We must remember we cannot blame God for our H's poor actions/decisions bc God gave man free will! And men seem to use it to screw up their lives a lot.
Hang in there, Fallgirl. It was good to touch base with you again.
Me 39 H 42 M 11, T 12 S 10,6 D 3 EA 2007 separated in same home since 3/10/09
2il! Good to hear from you! Was wondering how you were doin!
Have you moves, or your H? How are the kids? Didn`t want to take this over to your thread in case you`re wary of posting there now.I understand of you`d rather not answer too.
Up early here this am because of gum pain!Low grade and I`m taking pain killers but grrrrrr!On top of everything else!
I do find Cat that pain of any kind can lead us to a worse place for dealing with all other crap so its easy to over react at these times. As if living with the crazy beast is not enough pain in itself.
Mind you my crazy guy is not home! This is a second night away God knows where! Hadn`t said he`d be away two nights and hasn`t texted either. No, I`m not worried if he`s lying in a ditch somewhere calling for help....
I`m really trying to stay at a point of forgiveness with all of this Cat and 2iL.I must read up more about Gandhi and his passive resistance thing. He said something about realising our foes are doing 'what they believe is right'.
Our spouses believe they are right or they wouldn`t do what they are doing.I think if I try to get into H`s skin I`ll begin to understand more. I`ve literally lain, where he lies, sat where he sits to feel this and look at the crazy woman he has to put up with!
Its not about humiliating me, blaming me, and having me grovel to get him back. But about me staying soft enough to let him go or come back easily, and hard enough to set boundaries to protect myself and the kids.
Some crazy theory I`m trying to sort out in my head-and heart.
Meditation and prayer help lots.
Oh and getting a good nights sleep without this damn neuralgia would be just great...
You may want to try "olive of cloves" for your gum pain. It was recommended by my dentist many years ago and it works. You do not need a prescription for it.
As for your h missing for several nights....they sometimes do this. When he returns, do not ask him where he's been....you will be tempted to do this, but let it go. In time, when he feels like "mom" isn't going to jump all over him, he will tell you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H returned sometime in the early am;not sure cos I didn`t stay up and honestly, I didn`t mind the three day break from him.
I`m back to work full time today. Pretty hectic of course but maybe that`s better. H skulking about the place this morning but I did as you suggested Snodderly and didn`t play Mum to his AWOL behaviour.
Yes, it helped hugely that I had a fantastic time at the yoga and meditation workshop on Sunday.I never got as immersed in mediation as I did that day. It truly was an incredible experience; I was flooded with love and joy.
Still carrying that calmness and light around with me today. Going to stick with the meditation. I need to be in touch with my soul right now.
Yip, DBing has driven me out of my comfort zone and on to better things.
I'd love to hear more about the meditation. I just started a yoga class. I enjoy the stretching, and the physical aspect of it. I have a hard time, because, being a total TYPE A, I have a hard time with the focusing, etc... I may need meds to continue!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I just love meditation. There is one about the purple flame, I wish I remembered the actual name of it, but probably google the purple flame and you will find it. It was really cool and the physical sensations of heat that I had with it was wierd.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
That`s interesting Cat, re purple flame as in my meditation on Sunday I could see a diamond shaped figure washed over with undulating shades of lilac and purple. Didn`t know much about mantra meditation before Sunday and certainly didn`t expect to experience what I can only describe as a change in consciousness.
I think its seeping into my home and work life too!
I feel much calmer and not as consumed by my battle with separation.(No, its not really a battle with H, is it?)
I see that I am very splintered re H. Love him/love hom not and realise that I have been like that for YEARS.
But this week I feel like I`ve let go of him even more-not completely but a lot more. I`m ok with the status quo-bordering on separation, no arguments, little talk, but little tension. Just a roommate type of thing.
I`m happy just to have that today and am not looking at tomorrow.
I rang the mediation people as he requested and they left a message for me yesterday to call back. I haven`t had time to do that yet but will try again in a day or two.
Meditating early every am. Its the only time I won`t be interupted!
I searched it last night, it is St. Germain and the Violet Flame. It is for healing. I never liked mantra meditation myself, but it definately has it's merits. It does seep into your whole life, because you are learning to quiet the mind, and that is very important to see the whole picture.
I remember being where you are. You will find that you actually appreciate the time alone. The time to focus on yourself, although I think you already do.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Thanks for tip, Cat re St Germain-googling for it now.
Yes, I love time alone-just soooo hard to find!Esepcially for a twenty minute stretch for meditation.
Things going OK here. We`d a b-day celebration for DS 12 that ran quite smoothly. We were all very relaxed. Not much chat between H and I but I didn`t feel any tension either. H hasn`t mentioned mediation or S talk since last week either.And if he does, I can truthfully say I have contacted the mediation people. just haven`t made an appointment to see them.
Therapist appt tomorrow. Hope it goes better than last two times!
