not as ok as I thought I was

[happycamper]

I actually find that quite reassuring. XH led a double life for 12 years of our marriage, none of which I knew about, so the shock of finding out was monumental. But, I guess it is difficult for anyone whose partner has had an affair to come to terms with the difference between who they thought their partner was at the time and who they discovered them to be.

I suppose it's only natural for your memories of them to fade too - maybe that's just the detaching going on.

I was kind of worried about my reaction to it all. XH's double life cost us a lot of money (all unexplained debt) and I hated living in such financial instability, so when the bomb dropped I was quite glad it was over, in a way. I'm still sort of glad, to such an extent that I've never been cross with him at all really. Just think I'm still confused.

I can thank XH for... giving me four wonderful children! And for finally telling me and giving me the opportunity to get out of the marriage. It is feasible that he might not have said anything, and the double life could have carried on a long time.