Things are going along very busy as is the story of my life. My biggest 180 in all of this has been making time for myself and I love it. Drained a little now because I haven't had the opportunity in the last few days, and now having a down hour, I should be in the tub or something, but I'm just sitting here quietly typing and enjoying the silence.
Mach,
I've missed your wisdom and 2x4's. Been thinking of a better way to answer your question than I have in the past but still not so sure if I can without saying too much. Sorry the vaca just went.... I know the feeling myself. But man you were at Disney, you should have had a blast either way. Have you ever been there at Christmas? Amazing. If I knew you wanted to catch a gator, I could have saved you the one from my back yard LOL. He was a baby though. Ok, bring some of your smarta** remarks this way and some smiles. You know, I do agree with what you said about how long. I think that is what I am waiting for as well. Just to act like adults.
FG,
Family of origin stuff is more powerful than people give credence to. That is why I have worked so hard with S. Just to make sure his life starts off on the right foot. I have been fortunate(?) enough to see/experience enough messed up families and witness how the kids turn out to have always known I had to do it differently with S. He will be ok. I am sort of glad he is old enough to understand, witness, and verbalize through all of this. He just had his birthday. Just got his permit to drive. Now I'm in for trouble. But ironically, MIL, sent nothing to S either. Not even an email. How is that for love? He is fine with it because he sees and knows. He is also becoming more aware of the people in my family, people that I have guarded him from, and seeing them for who and what they really are and he is starting to be able to really understand me more. My overprotectivness, my feelings about certain things, my roots. Roots he didn't know existed before because he didn't need to know those things existed at the time. Now he can process and understand and it is an awesome thing to be watching him go through all of this. My son is an amazing kid, that is for sure.
Ok, gotta run to the grocery store and pick up the kid. Soon he will be driving me (Oh God please help me).
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Oh, don't misunderstand, I had a great time there. Just something missing......Hmmmmm, Wonder what it was ?
One of the best parts for me was Friday night though. When I had the oppurtunity to talk to my friend who went through a MLC. I always make the most of that time when I can do that.
What introspect...
She and her Husband are still together, and doing well. One of the things she told me that has caused some problems though, is that he feels she could control what was happening through this. What she tells is that she had ZERO control over this thing that grabbed her.
She told me that she spent over two years in this fog, and every day thinking she was the absolute most horrible person that ever lived. She had thought of suicide often, and the only thing that stopped her was she was trying to find a way to do that so that her children would not shoulder that responsibility the rest of their lives.
So, to everyone who thinks that MLC'ers do this crap on purpose, I can tell you that this is not the first person who speaks of this when they come out of the tunnel.
I can't imagine the hatred or what is on the inside of a person who can stone coldly do this to another Human on purpose.
Even the most hardened of souls couldn't keep this up for as long as MLC can grab one.
BTW ? Wasn't actually trying to catch a Gator.....just see a few in the wild.
I'm glad you got to see them. The nature around here is unlike anything I've seen up and down the entire east coast of our country. I have a hawk that lives in the tree in my back yard, a turtle that makes circles around my house, heron that come and eat in the front yard, along with possoms, racoons, deer, squirrels, and some of the ugliest bugs that I've ever seen. LOL. No wild iguanas here, but they are further south of me and oh yea, wild parrots.
I do know what you mean about something missing. I think most of us do, but I'm glad you and the kiddies had a good time.
Has your friend said anything about the "waking up" process? I do believe that this is not something they can control. I do believe it because even though I have several mentally ill people in my family (truly diagnosed mental illness), I have heard the craziest, saddest stuff from H. And I know deep in my core that even though we were very young when we met, I am not that bad a judge of character and then of course, there are still the moments when the "real" him peeks out. And I can see the stuff swirling around in his head almost literally. Even if I don't know exactly what it is, although I do have a good idea, and it is sad to watch and know I can't do anything for him.
So I'm getting ready to tackle a new project. I get the Lowe's idea books in the mail every month and they had this gorgeous planter for flowers. I am going to work on it this weekend as I am actually getting a weekend where I can hang around the house. Rare around here. S drove yesterday and scared the crap out of me. On the main road with traffic. I am going to have a heart attack in the next year for sure LOL. H was home yesterday. He, for the first time in the 16 years we have lived together, got to see what a day in my life is like. I used to do all housework, etc... when he was either asleep (he worked nights for years) or when he was at work because I wanted to be able to attend to him when he was home. His schedule has changed again and now if I want to do stuff, sometimes he is here. I don't know what came over me, except that I didn't feel like I need to be available to his every beck and call, he is a grown up, that I went about my normal business. I think he was totally surprised by how much I actually do around here. I honestly think he has always believed that when I'm home, I don't do much (I guess the fairies kept the house clean). But watching me, seeing what I do, talking about his shopping list that went from four items to twenty as we added things for the house (no I didn't tell him what was needed even though he asked, I made him do what I do and open his eyes), I know he was surprised. He never realized and probably only sort of does now, what it really takes to keep his life running. Being an adult is a lot of work. A lot more than he ever thought.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Not so much of the "waking" process as much as the process as a whole.
She told me that she knew what was happening wasn't right, and the way she was feeling wasn't right. There was just nothing she could do to stop it. She tried different things to not feel like a total failure, including OD'ing on over the counter drugs.
She told me that the man her H had become through this had quite an impact on her. When she was really down or being a total selfish ass, he would just pack up their boy's things and go out for the day and leave her to her misery. She said that the, what felt like total isolation, was unbearable at times, and after time, she knew that she was in charge of that.
One day she said she walked into their Living Room and H was on the floor playing a game with their kiddies, and she realized that the only thing missing from her fairy tale life was her, and that she was the reason that she was miserable.
That was the first look into the mirror for her. She said when she realized that, she made an appt with a Therapist and started on her issues.
Like most former MLC'ers that I have spoken with, little things slowly revealed themselves to her, and the damage was unfolded to her slowly. Anything less would have caused a major meltdown.
She said that the path of destruction was wide, and it was up to HER to fix it. That she wasn't totally out of the woods yet, and the hardest person to forgive was herself.
But that she had an amazing H ( who DB'ed without knowing it ) and thanked the Lord everyday for him.
She told me that she had seen the same look in her eyes as she did my W's eyes only a couple years previously.
One of more striking things she told me was.....That she had a baby, and when she woke the next morning, he was FOUR.....
I sort of think that H is having that realization with S. He is supportive of him driving and what not but I know that he gets shocked sometimes that he is really old enough to be doing that. I think he still sees the preteen that he remembers most of the time.
Your description intrigues me. As I do things around here, and come back to myself more, I see exactly what you described in him. I see him feeling like an outsider but unsure of how to become a part of it again. I guess if he really wants it, he will find a way. They all will, or they won't. But we are good anyway. Smiles my friend, have a great day.
If I don't post for a few days, worry that S drove us into a ditch. LOL
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
