Thanks for your reply. In my husband's case we are dealing with erectile dysfunction. I thought we were making good progress lately with some changes on my part, letting him know ahead of time that I am interested and also being more affectionate with him outside of the bedroom (he needs to know that he is loved outside of the bedroom as well). With these changes on my part, as well as Viagra use on his part, things were really looking up for awhile. Now he is into all the avoidance tactics and in talking to him recently about this, he says the Viagra doesn't always work. So we have some performance anxiety, frustration, on his part all ending in avoidance of the whole issue and not wanting to even try. I know this is very frustrating for him as he would move heaven and earth to please me. I know on his part it is not just lack of effort, but when he does try, lack of erection, frustration, kind of a vicious cycle going on here, so he gives up.
I am not ready to give up on our 30 year relationship because outside of this area things are great and I don't think I could find another man with as many of the qualities that he has that I appreciate. However, it is very frustrating when you have a healthy sex drive that is not being addressed in the marriage. My husband has agreed to go in for further testing to check his testosterone level, thryoid, and see a urologist, so maybe there's hope there. There is also another drug coming on the market which lasts 24 hours, so things can be more spontaneous.
I do agree that it would be unwise for me to go looking outside the marriage for ways to meet my sexual needs. I could end up with a whole new set of problems as well as, if caught, the possible demise of my marriage.
