Session went well. H admitted he 'forgot' to give me a clue.
He was devastated to think he was the problem causing my depression and that he didn't see. it. Told him our problem was not the TOTAL cause of my depression and he could not have foreseen it. He talked to the C at length about the med I'm on; is taking a proactive approach to helping me.
I can't tell you how satisfied we continue to be with the fellow we are seeing. H finds him easy to talk with, too. During last night's session, H learned that he is bothered more than I with my lack of reaching O. *I* get much satisfaction from just the act itself. He and C talked about this at length last night, with H now knowing/believing that I'm quite happy with him and his sexual performance.
After more talk between H & C, H is beginning to *really* believe it when I tell him I love him unconditionally. He talked a bit about how in the past that had not been the case and he was leary. C validated his feelings and pointed out that that could also be the cause of his pulling back on sex. That once a person starts giving their all, they become vulnerable; that H is afraid *I* will do the same thing. H agreed that it's a possibility that he feels that way. Anyway, after more talk, H felt better about that, too, saying he didn't have to worry about that from me.
Next appt is in two weeks. We had to devise a way of signaling our partner that we were 'interested' that night. We chose to use our dart board. When one of us wants to initiate we put a dart in the bullseye If the other one is interested we leave it there, if not, we remove the dart. BUT --- if it's Not Tonight, then we have to give a reason/or reason to hope. [Ex: How about tomorrow morning/night? I'm tired, or my back hurts. But it just can't be No.]
I ended up telling H (in front of C) how proud I am of him, that it takes a lot of courage to do what he's doing and I love all the more for it.
Am starting to notice subtle differences in H. Like he's carrying a bit lighter load on his shoulders these days. So, things are going well. I hope it continues.
2nd day on Lexapro. So far today no side effects (like yesterday). BP is down to 127/78.
