Guys, as I wrote this post, I realized there's some intimate stuff in here, so just warning, if that's a problem for anyone. -----
I'm amazed by how much better I've felt the last couple of days. Maybe the AD kicked in; maybe the new sleeping pills; maybe my resiliance has just kicked in. The obsessive thinking about the situlation has diminished a little, I'm less distracted.
So this morning before I left for work, W held out her hand for me to help her up and she gave me a hug. I'll take that as a positive sign. She also commented on how much weight I've lost, which seems to worry her.
This wasn't needy on either part, it just happened. Last night was good too, as I posted. After dinner she spent most of the night in the bath or something; locked herself in the master bedroom for most of the night and then went to bed.
So here's the damn thing - yeah, dreams of making out with her last night, making me wake up wanting that.
W has always made a point of telling me that she's attracted to me, wanted me in a deep and hungry way. I am less demonstrative.
I guess I should come clean on this, although I find it embarassing. So, yeah, going to post it on the internet. Whoo hoo! I was diagnosed a few years ago with low testosterone, and I apply daily medication for it. But, without going into detail, this is much of what has made our intimate life seem like "work" to my wife. We've made it work, sure, but my drive is inconsistant, and hers is strong. My W said recently, I'm not attacted to her, and she's felt rejected.
Anyway, our intimate life for the last several months prior to the bomb was regular and pretty good, but when I said this, she said that is just scratched the surface of her needs.
So, when I said in our one therapy session that I have sex dreams about her, she commented on that later, like she was curious about it. I wonder if I tell her aobut my recent dreams, if that's pursuing, or if that's a 180. When I've let her know in other ways of my desire for her (beacuse just touching her, sometimes watching her...) she's said she doesn't know whether to laugh or be mad.
She's commented too on how she misses sex.
I'm wondering how to piece this all together.
Sorry guys, that's a lot of personal detail, just kind of came out.
