W can't break EA - not sure how to handle it

[Kettricken]

Now onto "the bursting my bubble" comment. She says that I always burst her bubble when she is dreaming of how things could be. For example, when we would look at homes to buy, she would imagine how she would like to furnish it. If I would say something like "How would we pay for all that?"; she would reply with "Why are you always bursting my bubble!"

I am not exactly sure how she meant it in this context. I initially took it that she was simply upset. But maybe she was subconciously saying that I was bursting her "Dream World" with a little reality.

I think you did great, too. There's a phrase for it, you know: esprit d'escalier. Means, "staircase wit". All the wonderful perfect things you should have said that don't occur to you until the other person has left the building. Happens to us all.

Two different things going on here. My h. can be (engineer-like) a bit of a bubble burster, too. Confronted with a new idea, his natural instinct, honed from years of hard work, is to find the fail points. This is VERY IRRITATING to a person who is just dream-spinning or fantasizing idly, as in, "Wouldn't it be fun if????" If you do this a lot, you might wanna consider thinking before you speak. Best-case-scenario dreaming can be really enjoyable with your partner. Who doesn't like to dream with their loved one, even if they know the reality is unlikely?

In your case, I can understand if you have had to deal much with manic-phase grandiose dreaming where she actually tried to *execute*, as in by ludicrous spending, etc. But still.

That was your first "bubble burst" example. The *second*, what just happened, is entirely different. In this case, it sounds like she's "dreaming" of a family where nothing really changes except she has her own place and gets to do whatever she wants while you are still there with full husbandly support, friendliness, affection, etc ... One Big Happy Family. Well, that is a very unhealthy dream, 'cause it ain't gonna happen. Whatever life, whatever choices she's building on that are all truly false, because she assumes cooperation from you that will *not* be forthcoming. So the sooner you burst that kind of bubble, the better for everyone. Keep on doing what you're doing.