My sitch...long but please indulge me

[RedSoxFan]

Here's a question for all of you then...if my W gets the impression I'm doing well and I'm fine with all of this, why wouldn't she just say to herself "Since he's OK with this, let's just get it over with". It seems to me that would relieve any guilt she may be feeling and give her impetus to move forward with the D. Maybe this is where that counter-intuitive thinking comes in.

I'm not qualified to give advice here but I can share what I've done to date while someone else is writing up the good advice. First, Ive made three things clear to W. 1) I've taken responsibility for and forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made in the past...there were a bunch. 2) I love her very much and I want to save our marriage and make our family whole. 3) Life is short, I love myself like never before and I'm going to move forward in my life making the most out of every minute.

Those three things are on the table with crystal clarity. She has brought up the D thing a few times but I've asked her to hold off for now. She has agreed under the condition that I stop hassling her about seeing OM (In my case I was originally WAS so she has legitimately moved on with her life. I've agreed to stop hassling her for now. It's a personal choice that might not be right for everyone). Even if she asked for D tomorrow that wouldn't necessarily change my approach or my hope for a positive outcome.

In my case W's situation is all about her and what she needs to heal. My hope is that she reaches a point like I did and wants to reconcile. My goal is to be happy, healthy and be the superstar she fell in love with. If I achieve that then everything will work out no matter what her outcome is.

Ha! I see that I avoided a direct answer to your question.

Seriously, I don't know what W is thinking but my impression is that she's experiencing many things as she observes me being happy. Resentment, jealousy, happiness for our kids and for me, I think she is attracted to it a bit. But ultimately her focus needs to be on her. I can't do that work. When it's done, I will be the best option out there