You have a very good sense of the dynamic. I am well aware of how damaging the sexual issues were. I do take responsibility for my part. Early on when he left, I took on too much because I was the one seeing the aftermath, my kids pain, cognizant of the long lasting repercussions and I felt that for a woman who values marriage and family as much as I do (and certainly more than him), I should have found a way to make it work. I understand clearly now that he has/had his own path and often provoked and contributed to getting a certain result to give him the ammunition to leave. Make sense? I could feel it happening with the blame and the judgement coming from him. Towards the end he was literally baiting me and starting fights to get a rise...he wanted to leave and follow his "destiny"...
Anyway, I absolutely owned up, validated and apologized for my part. I don't know if you read here about his recent admission of having a myriad of issues but went on to attribute it to his astrological sign and he has accepted himself the way he is...it was quite a stunning piece work.
If a boy wants to feel like a man, I guess he has to be a man...sadly my H's dad left his mom and I think part of his perception of being a man is leaving. He sees it as standing up for himself but I see being a man as standing up in the marriage. I think it would be hot as a hell to be with him if he was the man of the house...
As for his success or lack there-of, he has had great successes and losses with me. I was an absolute support and partner in his career advancement. After he left, he told me that everything was finally happening for him. It was so hurtful. A) I've been there every step leading up to that point. B) Since then, his income has actually plummeted.
