I would like some advice as to whether I have the right or wrong attitude concerning pushing kids to do something they dont want to do or letting them decide on their own to quit/fail.
XW and I had an argument on the phone this morning about our daughter's costly violin lessons which she does not have much passion for. When we were in Hawaii, D7 mentioned that she was happy to not be at home because her mom would be pushing her to practice. That made me groan because I am being forced to pay for something she does not enjoy.
XW blames her own lack of not knowing math, how to swim, play an instrument, etc on her parents and wants to push lessons/skills on the kids even if they dont enjoy it. I have the philosophy that it is ok to fail at things in life and be free to choose what you want to do - not have someone force you to succeed. When I grew up, my parents allowed me the freedom to drop out of band (clarinet) and the boy scouts. I sure would like to have become more musically talented, but I appreciate that it was my choice to decide that it was not for me. Is Tiger Woods so good at golf solely because his father pushed him? I dont think so - I think he had a passion for it and his father only helped him to get better at it.
Some of what bothers me is that we are paying a lot of money for the violin lessons, but also, I dont like the fact that my daughter does not enjoy it and is being forced. I just dont think music is her calling as she seems to be more gifted athletically and I would like her to have the option to do some sports if she wants.
Discussing with XW is so frustrating because she is so irrational. When I mention something like it might be nice if the kids can have a choice in what they want to do, she will say something like "they will choose to eat cotton candy and play video games". Or she will say she has spoken to many counselors/phycologists who say that she is right that kids need to be pushed to succeed. Or she will always fire back on the "it was agreed on in court" (something her lawyer briefly said about me paying for lessons). Or she will say that I pushed D7 into the Girl Scouts and XW does not like that organization. I will counter with the fact that I told D7 that if she does not like the girl scouts she can make the decision to quit, but she has fun at the meetings and wants to continue going. XW even acknowleges that D7 will quit violin in the future but that she wants to keep pushing her for as long as possible. She says that I should setup a meeting between a child counselor, the violin instructor, our daughter and ourselves to further discuss this.
I think that I am wasting my breath in trying to let her know my feelings and have her reconsider that pushing our daughter to succeed at something she hates might not be the best idea. Is it wrong to get to the point where I finally say "D7 and I dont want to continue violin lessons so the vote is 2 to 1 - you lose"?
