Quote: I would make a list of bulleted items and say to him: "Honey I have a list of things that I want to go over at counseling tomorrow. Would you like to take a look at it in advance, or just wait til then?" That way, he doesn't sense a huge R talk coming on. The threat of that will surely make him shut down and tune out, you know how men are!
Hi HP: Thanks for the suggestion. I may just ask him off-the-cuff tonight if there's anything specific he wants to go over tomorrow night and see what he says. Give him the first chance to speak.
Quote: Michele does talk about how in some people the desire comes AFTER the arousal. So he might have to be physically aroused (i.e., an erection) before he starts feeling desire. My H does not act like this all the time, but I can tell right away on the times when his desire is low and he is needing some help from me to get him jump started. It has taken a toll on my confidence but I am slowly accepting that this is just HIM and I love him however he is.
And yet, I get the impression my H does not want any help from me at all. I'm not aggressive, but any movement on my part to pet or caress him at times we do have sex is met with a 'pulling away' (for lack of a better term). You mention being able to jumpstart your H. Mine acts as if my touch is repulsive. I've gotten to the point where I'm afraid to touch him for fear he will retreat. It's like he's thinking, "I'm going to do this on my own and I don't want your help at all." I've never said anything, but it hurts.
My first H was Hyper-sexed (until the BP meds took over and made him impotent). From first H (1974-2002)back to the time when I had originally met my Current H (1969), I had minimal contact with men, so I'm almost at a total loss as to what to do and how to do it. I appreciate the time and suggestions everyone here has offered.
Quote: And I know you love your H to pieces too, so go easy in that letter, girlfriend! Just kiddin.
Nah. I've bagged the idea. I'll just keep it in my PC-journal. (I've got bad hands, typing is easier than writing for me)
Thanks for all who have contributed to this thread and have offered so many suggestions.
I've gotten to the point where I'm afraid to touch him for fear he will retreat. It's like he's thinking, "I'm going to do this on my own and I don't want your help at all." I've never said anything, but it hurts.
