Ups and Downs

[Energizer Bunny]

Essentially she is afraid of losing control.

You are not listening to her. You make her feel insecure and are feeding her feelings of insecurity. Sounds a little like you are losing control and it's making you feel insecure. See the dynamic there?

I have not problems asking for what I want. W has gone along with my wants for a long time. (I didn't know she was going along...I thought that she just agreed). Therefore, she has felt controlled by me too.

Now she has become the controlling one.

So who really was the controlling one?


Has she ever told you she feels invisible, smothered, or a lost soul?

You can handle this. You just need to have some compassion for her.


Cheers

Yes. I have been the controlling one. I just didn't know it.

Yes, she has said that she has felt smothered and invisible. Yes, I am losing control. I'd like to think that it's more of a giving up control rather than losing it, but you pretty much got it.

I am listening to her, but my attempts to stop making her feel more insecure backfire on me. Giving up is the only thing that seems to make a difference.

Any suggestions? I'm open.