Healing my Heart part 7

[fightingirish]

Well guess I think this is the end of the road for me.

H and I really haven't been getting along. Its seems everyday we have an argument about something.

He is so critical of me and continues to badger me when I don't do something correctly. I can't take it I just can't take it.

He makes me physically ill.

I don't feel it necessary to post everytime we argue, but there have been many...

Everything that goes wrong with the business or otherwise is my fault, or he finds that its my fault somehow. I do nothing right.

We went to my mom's yesterday and of course on the way home he starts in with me about a conversation he had with her where he thought she lied to him about where my sister was going camping so he couldn't say "why didn't they asked us". I don't think my mom was lying, she could have been just to avoid confrontation with him. So he starts in with me about it.

I just said I really don't care enough about it to get involved. He has to analzye and pick apart every damn thing in our life. I can't stand it.

He does it to me and the kids. We don't have the money for him to even go to a therapist, even though he desperately needs it. Although at this juncture Im getting to the point where I don't care anymore, really.

Im so upset im shaking. I told him on the phone that Im tired of the badgering and him being so critical of me. That I do a lot for the business and take care of the kids and that he doesn't appreicate any of it and that I can't take it anymore, then I hung up.

What to do????? It seems that I am surrounded with people who don't treat me well, and unfortunately that does include my mother. Yes she was willing to take me in when I was thinking of leaving H, but it would have come with a price, and I would have never heard the end of it.. so it goes..

Im stuck, stuck with this life that I made for myself, and its my own fault for even letting it get this far. Im sorry that my kids have to hear his meanness and anger, im sorry for the mess i help create.

yes, maybe i am feeling sorry for myself, whatever, I don't care. Im just so tired. How can anyone possible live like this all the time. I just can't anymore.