From an LD perspective, I found the one statement you made very interesting:
Quote: In SSM, Michele advises the LD spouses to "Just do it" whether one feels like it or not; that once into it, it gets better. OK. I can see that, but I sure don't want *my* H doing it just because he feels obligated to do it. I want him to do it because he desires me and I turn him on.
This is hard to explain to an HD. When an LD person is 'getting back into the saddle' so to speak, it does sometimes take supreme effort. And the first few times, there may not be a lot of 'desire' for you per se. But the fact that your H was able to overcome his demons, his supressed anger at past events in his life, and still be able to have sex with you I think is monumental. There is a lot of stuff going on inside of him that has absoutely nothing to do with you. And for you, he was able to put all that aside and make an effort... and actually follow through with it!
If you can give him a little room to find his footing again, so to speak, I think you will find that 'practice makes perfect.' You know? Try to be as encouraging and as patient with him right now as you can be. I think you shouldn't read that letter at all. As an LD person, if my H read something like that to me when we were first 'just doing it,' it would have comepletely taken the wind out of my sails. I would have been devastated.
I think you should just continue to encourage him at this point. I think you should tell him how great you thought it was that he was able to 'follow through' on his assignment. You certainly don't have to think it was the greatest sex in the world, because it probably wasn't, but at this point, at least for him, he's doing all he can. Be patient with him. It's going to get better.
I think Michele's point in saying 'just do it,' isn't so much for the HD as it is for the LD in encouraging them to dive in. I think if you come off even remotely critical right now, you are going to make things much worse on yourself.
I'm not saying you don't have a right to your opinion. But give him time to gain confidence. I'll bet any amount of money he's supremely scared right now. Give him some time to enjoy his small victory here. Just get back into the groove of having sex on a regular basis for awhile. Once his confidence is built up a little, you can then start to make suggestions on what you like and how you like it.
I don't know, this is just my opinion. But again, I'd bag the letter altogether and just be as supportive as you can for now.
