Hi Rose, Here's the thing with the expecting sex--it is inherent to marriage. There is NO WAY for him to not feel pressured (or any LD spouse for that matter) because that's what happens in marriages--you have sex with each other! So I totally believe you that you were not giving off any vibes but nonetheless I betcha he was feeling under the gun to make a good day even better. Why not ask him tomorrow? You could say that you felt it would have been a perfect time and was he having any thoughts one way or another? Be sure and ask if he was putting pressure on himself to perform.
I am glad that you were not discouraged by what I said. I think that it sounds as if you two actually have a pretty well matched libido--if both of you ideally want it twice per week, then that is a do-able goal. Much better than when one partner wants it 10 times as much as the other, right!
Jiji has given you some awesome advice about the letter. I don't know when you are going to give it to him, but here is what I would do. I personally think that letters are too long and "wordy" for most guys to really absorb. Not to downplay men's general level of intelligence, lol, but I do think they tune out after a while. So if it were me, I would make a list of bulleted items and say to him: "Honey I have a list of things that I want to go over at counseling tomorrow. Would you like to take a look at it in advance, or just wait til then?" That way, he doesn't sense a huge R talk coming on. The threat of that will surely make him shut down and tune out, you know how men are!
Regarding the "just do it"...well, I agree with you. I don't think any person, male or female, likes the thought of their partner just doing it. It makes me feel like, Oh brother forget the whole thing if THAT'S your motivation. On the other hand, Michele does talk about how in some people the desire comes AFTER the arousal. So he might have to be physically aroused (i.e., an erection) before he starts feeling desire. My H does not act like this all the time, but I can tell right away on the times when his desire is low and he is needing some help from me to get him jump started. It has taken a toll on my confidence but I am slowly accepting that this is just HIM and I love him however he is.
And I know you love your H to pieces too, so go easy in that letter, girlfriend! Just kiddin.
