John said I sound like I am regretting a few things maybe and that there are lingering feelings etc etc...
I just cant hate him. I cant deny I loved him and that the love I had for him was ...great.
But I am accepting it is gone and I am in the process of turning the page for good. I have no doubts and dreams related to him anymore. But I do want him to be well and I wish we will be good with each other for the rest of our lives... Because that's what I have to accept. I cant keep the anger alive so that I can cope with the loss. That is done. Weve been sperated for 2 years. I had strong feelings for someone else. I am not grieving now the loss of my M. I am dealing with the deceit and the lies. My M has been gone for 3 years now...
I am sad, and I will be sad for a while, I think. But I am also feeling good and calm today and thank God it has been sunny... K
I just cant hate him. I cant deny I loved him and that the love I had for him was ...great.
K
You are not alone in feeling this way. It's how I feel about my W as well. Even though she has been unfaithful more than once I still can't find it in me to hate her. My friends don't understand it at all and I guess to a certain extent I don't either. I just don't have it in me to hate her.
"You are not alone in feeling this way. It's how I feel about my W as well"
I think this may be what unites us all on this site...this may be the common denominator that I have been searching for....the inability to hate. When I think about it, I can't say that I actually hate anybody.
I feel the same way about stbx. I will always love him, and wish him well. I hope that his future is bright, and that he finds himself, and then someone who compliments him. The final phase of healing, I believe, is the sadness because it equates acceptance. We realize that this person we vowed to be with for our lives is gone, and have made the tough decision to move ahead with our lives, with or without them.
I can't tell you I don't miss my stbx. There are times when I remember how it felt to just be next to him. But I cherish those memories as part of my past, and realize that a future with him is no longer possible. He is not the man I married, and he has changed too much for the worse for me to ever trust him again.
I imagine you are probably going through the same emotions, although the big difference is my stbx never tried to reconcile. I am glad for that because I think that the spouse who attempts the reconciliation and then ultimately bales again is worse than the one who just cuts it clean. My heart breaks that you have to go through this, but you have handled it with style, grace, and a tremendous amount of class.
KUDOS....
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
M, The post you wrote yesterday captured the essence of where you've come to in this journey. So well written...amazing since English is not your first language.
"PS I think we'll have some sunshine tomorrow."
I think you're right about that, in fact, I think the forecast is for many days full of Sunshine ahead.
Hey K, your post was amazing.. very poetic! I am glad you have your "head screwed on straight" about all this. Dont be sorry to still have lingering feelings or not hating him, your a compassionate piscean afterall! And yes your bound to be sad for a while as the reality of the extent of his deceit plays over in his mind. I still maintain its because he did still love you and didnt want to lose you, perverse I know, but having been in that place once myself I can understand.. to some extent.
Did you see Priyas post today and yesterday about the Full Moon today? I have turned another little corner last night (another goddamn one!!) I wonder if you have/will. Its here http://www.priyakale.com/blog/
xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I agree with the statement about a commonality among all of us here. I, too, do not hate my wife and she has done some horrendous stuff to me, the least of which was filing a false police report. I think it speaks of character and integrity.
However, one must be careful, still, in NOT being a doormat or coming across as weak or running on fear. It behooves one to keep to the high road. It's funny, I think, that, if a WAW pulls all this crap on us as men, it's one thing, but, if we return anything, we are abusive husbands.
No...stick to the high road and move forward. It is a better place to be. You can wake up every morning and look in the mirror and like what you see.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Ohh I like what I see in my mirror. I have NO regrets, doubts, worries, shame, guilt... NOT even towards my kids at this point. (some regrets involve other persons)...
It's funny, stbxH wants me to act civil and behave like a lady although ha has been treating me like a jerk, abusive and cruel.
It's ok. Day by day all I feel is sadness. I keep having flash backs of moments that I know they were together and me, putting the kids to bed, taking them to doctors, preparing his dinner...
A hard pill to swallow for someone like me who likes to think she is smart and has a 6th sense as well. K
PS My life is changing. I am changing my life. My paintings are taking off and I think I will be showing some of my stuff on etsy soon... I will let you know if I do it...
