I was supposed to get divorced tomorrow - part 2

[1853dave]

W ended up not going to counseling on Monday. She calls me last minute to tell me... I guess the issue over the weekend was more of an issue to her than I thought.

It all revolved around the fact that she found out I owned a key (still) to the condo. She thought I shouldn't have one because I am not currently living there... I kept one for emergency use only - I'm still an owner, so I feel some responsibility still, and my kids still live there, etc. Well, coincidentally on Sunday, 4 hours after she learns of this, she "loses" her keys. I have to let her into the condo, and she demands that I hand her my keys. I refuse, telling her I'll go make another set - which I did. On the way home, I stop by the park where she thought she lost them, and miraculously, I find them(!) - boy was I surprised. So, I went home and gave her the new and the old set. Not much was said then...

Monday was counseling - the one she skipped. I went anyway, and the C told me I should probably give her the keys just to keep the peace. Tuesday I put them in an envelope with a letter telling her I was sorry she felt this way, and that it wasn't all that important to me - and if it was improtant to her, then she can have them.

Wed I stop by to get the girls for the afternoon, and there's a brand new doorknob on the door. I don't mention anything. We interacted ok, and friendly... Later, as I was out to dinner with the kids, my atty calls me and says that her atty called him and W told her that she still wants to move forward with the D! And I thought things were going so well... Apparently the key thing really pissed her off. And, honestly, I had one for emergency use only (which we used Sunday to let her back in because she really DID lose her keys) but I never used it while I was out of the condo.

Apparently I breached some sort of trust with her.

So, I go back to drop off the kids last night, we conv for a few, and she doesn't say anything about the D or the atty, so I then tell her I was called by my atty, and we talk a bit, and she says she made up her mind, and the key issue was the last straw (what was the first?!?) and she's forging ahead. I tell her she must be kidding - we were recently talking about moving back in together, about finances, etc, because she has no income other than me, and she's in school now, and there are daycare issues, scheduling, etc., and there flat out is no money for her to maintain a household on.

The conv gets tense (no yelling, but uncomfortable) and in the end she's basically demanding that I leave, she doesn't want to talk about it, should she get the neighbor to help her get me to leave, etc... So, I go. As I do I remind her that I could probably get some legal access to the condo as it is my property too, and she retaliates with threat of another restraining order... So, I just leave.

About 5 mins later, I try to call her to cool her off. Phone was busy for 10 minutes. I finally got thru, and she had been talking to her L... I asked if I was going to be served a restraining order in the morning, and she asked me if I was going to have her arrested for fraudulent use of my credit card. I told her of course not, it wouldn't help the situation, and I would never do that to her... She said there's no restraining order. We talk a bit, calm and collected, and I told her that I am hurt, and she needs to know that, and that I'm scared, and I know she doesn't care about me, but I care for her welfare, and the kids'... She says "well, we've been together for 10 years..." and I said I know you keep bringing up the past, but things are different now, and she says, "No, what I'm saying is that we've been together 10 years, and of course I still have some feelings for you..." I'm thinking 'what does that mean?!?'... So we talk a bit, and I tall her that this is happening too fast, that we shouldn't make any sudden decisions, and that I've clearly seen changes in how we interact - even now, after the incident 15 mins earlier, we are speaking nicely to each other. I suggested that we give it a week, maybe cool off a bit, and maybe if she wants we can go to counseling together again before any further action is taken. She says she'd think about it.

At least she changed her tone from earlier... I need to handle this real gently if I am going to get back on track with her.

This was a major backslide that I didn't really see coming. I knew the weekend was a backslide, but I thought it was resolved with little damage.

Spoke with DB counselor this AM, she says that she's sees ambivilence in her remarks... She also reminded me that W has turned around a few times before.

I dunno - maybe now it's over for good. I'm still not ready to give up. I get mixed messages from her, and I can't help but think she's still uncertain herself. I know for a fact that if the D goes through, she's going to be in a world of huge financial hurt. We're talking one step from homeless.... She'd likely have to quit school and work. Even then, life won't be rosy.

People, please think good thought for us now, pray, do a moon dance, do whatever you do....I need your help.

My family is at stake...