Yesterday was his birthday... I do have a generic b-day card for him but not going out of my way to get it to him... If I see him then he can have it... He spoke to his Mom for the second time in about 3 months yesterday... She said he sounded neither "here nor there"... The anger has finally started to enter the picture... I am trying to decide if I want to continue to be the "fallback" (because that is how I see myself)... I know he isn't happy, he knows he isn't happy yet he stays over there instead of being man enough to come home so we can work on this together... To be honest there are days I could care less if he comes home or not... Then there are other days where I feel like I can't breathe without him (I am glad those are few and far in-between)... I pray and I GAL and I do 180's and it just doesn't seem to be making a dent in the situation... Maybe that is because I can't "see" any changes in him except for there are more "I love yous'" and more affection when I see him then before yet he still goes back to his place... Getting to where I am not sure what to believe anymore when he opens his mouth... This ride is making me sick and I desperately want to get off the roller coaster... I know by speaking to my Pastor and MIL that this is in Gods' hands - His time - His will and I need to completely step out so He can take over - Very hard thing to for me to do for some reason but I try each and everyday to not pick up the mess and leave it with Him... I need to learn more patience
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Still around just deep in thought... He just came by my work to pick up some papers I had for him and I point blank asked him what he wanted... Said he didn't know - Said he was numb to everything - Said he doesn't see her everyday, doesn't know if he is ever coming home and loves me more then he loves her - WTH does that mean - If he loves me more, then why is he with her? He kissed me, hugged me told me he missed me and loves me then off he goes... Even when I pull away he still comes in for the kissing... I need a vacation
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
When H spoke to our little one last week, our son asked him if he was coming home soon H replied "Yes Buddy" I know this for fact because I could hear him since they were on speaker phone...
Well when I saw H today I tried to tell him nicely not to say things like that because it confuses the little one...
He doesn't understand the concept of soon and I would prefer he not be lied to...
H point blank looked at me and said he didn't say that at all...
Now is he lying or is he truly numb and fogged out and really does forget half of what is said almost the moment he says it?
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Serenity That just knocks my socks off also.my W does the same.and then we get looked at like we are crazy.it just baffles me some times.but I feel better in a way knowing it is not just me.
H 49 W 42 S 19 S 14 S 12 S 8 D 6 M 19 Bomb dropped 2/09 Separated 5/09 still hopeful, praying
Just stumbled on your post. I get the opposite - we had this conversation last week - kind of comments. Also get stories repeated a couple of times. It's like talking to my 75 year old father.
Stress is a terrible thing.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
This is just another woman who tried it the "hang in there" method with little or no results. When she finally told him she was done. He started the huge turn around. She hasn't been on lately, but he was coming on STRONG the last time she posted. If she stayed strong, then she has a great chance to reconcile and turn her whole relationship around. If she weakens and doesn't allow him to go through a crisis before she lets him back, then she will be disappointed in the results.
Men don't respect women who let them keep having there cake and eating it too. You are showing him that you don't respect yourself enough to not tolerate bad behavior and as a matter of fact will even let him believe that you believe it is YOUR fault.
Not good. Your way of thinking and handling of this doesn't work on most of the men I have ever known in my lifetime. I rarely see a man come back to a woman until she gets tough with him and says with her action. "ENOUGH" I will not be with a man who can't be faitful.
I would suggest a stronger approach and one where the decision is no more in his hands and mind BUT YOURS.
For another example check out RedSoxFan's thread. Same script. He didn't come around UNTIL she let go. Now check out his attitude. He will do ANYTHING to get her back.
Thank you Harpo...Nice to see (though it does suck) that I am not the only one it is happening to...
Thank you Bart - Not sure which would be the lessor of the 2 evils...
Gucci - I appreciate your honesty... I know what you said is the truth and I have been trying to do this however it is a slow process for me... I am afraid of pushing him even further away... The more I pull back, the more I hear from him and then the more confused I become... Somedays it is just easier to not hear from him... I am trying to walk the tightrope of being businesslike as well as empathetic, compassionate, validating etc... I am also trying to love unconditionally but not show that either... What a tangled web this has become
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
In answer to your question, the pulling back.... No demands, no contact (unless it is an emergency about the kids), no ultimatums, nothing from me except validation/unconditional love.... I let him make the contact as I continue to move 2 steps forward and sometimes 5 steps back...
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
