First, I agree with JKL that there is hope here. She's conflicted, and that's good.
Second,
Quote:
She's so "fogged" up right now that every time she sees the changes, she sees them as my way of getting her to do what I want her to do.
Have you told her about your changes or have you let her just see them. If you told her, "hey look at me, look at what I am doing to get you to stay..." then she DID see it as controlling her. I'm not saying you did. But, remember, it's her PERCEPTION that is her reality irght now, not true reality.
If you told her of your changes, don't go there again. Let her see them by what you DO, not SAY.
At this point, you are taking the right action. Back off now that you have set out the reality of what SHE will have to deal with. And let her deal with it. DO NOT try to fix it for her or save her from this. That will backfire.
Stay the course. The conversation you had yesterday took a lot of guts. You should be proud of yourself. Get back to work on detaching. The more she sees you pulling back in a healthy way, the more it is going to force her to deal with the reality of the consequences of her decision - HER decision.
