Quote: Anyway, you still have till Wed like you said. And take comfort that at least you're going to counselling and your H recognises there is a problem and is 'trying'. Good luck. LH
Hey LH:
You are so right and last night was the night. How does one overcome the feeling that it's obligatory, though? It seems to me that what's going through H's head is: "I told the C I would do this one more time before Wednesday and by God, I will." Where's the desire in that?
We have another appt tomorrow and I've written up something I want to read to him at the C's office. Part of it goes:
On the 2nd night of ‘initiation,’ [the C asked that you let me know] an hour before, but you didn’t. You went in for your shower, I went to bed. I wasn’t ready and definitely was not aroused. Yes, you did get me to that state but it wasn’t like it was on Wednesday when the anticipation really built up because of knowing beforehand. I sensed a big difference in you, too, from Wednesday to Monday. You weren't as relaxed, there was no sense of fun or happiness about it.
I honestly thought you would choose Saturday night after going out and having a fun time, we were relaxed and in good moods. I was so looking forward to making love to you that night.
It’s not like you have to come right and say, “OK, tonight’s the night.” But some sort of subtle hint would be appreciated. I need some kind of clue, I don’t have ESP. You’re so closed off; I never get any indication that you’re turned on. I continue to believe that contrary to what you say, nothing about me gets you aroused.
You know – it’s OK to tell your wife she excites you. It’s OK to have fun. It’s OK to have the lights on and ‘talk’ during sex.
I figure he's more inclined to listen and absorb while we're with the C, because the C will question him about it.
I will say one thing, in this marriage I'm much more inclined to speak up when something bothers me. In my 1st marriage I was too intimidated by my Ex to say anything and by the time the M reached year 20 or so, I just didn't care enough anymore.
This time it's different and I have no problem in speaking out. Now, the problem is getting through to my H that I am NOT his previous wives.
