How do you wait this out?

[cat04]

GG,

I've been reading and yet again you are posting about how someone else said your H sounded. Ok so he sounded arrogant with her. That doesn't mean he has to sound arrogant to you. You are expecting that from him now. I have watched my H be nasty to other people and turn around and be nice as pie to me, and vice versa. That is how he was with HER.

Expectations are a horrible thing because either way, you will be let down. You want him to say this or that, but maybe he says it one second and the next he is doing something else. Ok so maybe he will call you, maybe he won't. Even if he does, who knows what the conversation will be about. Maybe calm and nice, maybe not.

We all understand how you feel here. Please don't ever think we don't. But you have a wonderful opportunity at your finger tips and it is really the only thing you can do much about anyway. Find out who Golfgirl is. What does GG like? What makes her smile? What makes her happy? What makes her unhappy? Are there new foods you want to try? Have you always wanted a tattoo, to rock climb, to hang glide? You were twenty six when you and H met. It should be fairly easy for you to look back at who you were before and see what were you like before you met H? And is there anything you thought you wanted then that you didn't do, because of life, that you might want to try now? What was it in you that made you attractive to him and others that you are missing now?

I'm sort of jealous of you for that. I was barely 17 when I met H. My dreams were of graduating high school and going to college. I did that. But I had no idea who I was, what I liked, what I wanted that did not include him and OUR life. And when I looked back to who I was, well, there was nothing of major substance that any person would find attractive in a kid so I have had a whole bunch of work to do. I was simply more fun, less worried about day to day responsibilities, more go with the flow, and that all did last into my mid twenties, actually until S was born. Then I got all serious and sort of lost that part of me. So that is what I have been learning about myself. That is who I have been working on becoming because I liked her too. I didn't like who I have been these last several years.

Do the work and stop WAITING for H to make all of the choices. You have control over how you survive this.