strong & patient (most days)

[dday101798]

Karen,

All I can teel you from my experience is that even after the D, the games don't stop. It also has a impact on the kids. For mine, up until the D, they would constantly try figure out what life would be like post D, but not think it so bad since it hadn't actually happened. Now, post D, the view is entirely different, the hurt because now mom and dad are officially seperated 'for good'.

Also post D, they seem to really start to analyze the who did what and the why's mom and dad are done with each other. And, at least in my case, they unfortunately start to the process of resentment and act out on the parent who uprooted and 'blew' the family apart.

With time on the table, I would suggest talking as you probably already do with STBX about parenting techniques post D. I certanly also suggest discussing how the visitations will be divied and start to follow it prior to it becoming official. Prior to my D, I had every Wednesday night with my boys in conjunction with every other weekend as it sounds like yours. Well, with the addition of Friday nights in the final settlement, Wed. was eliminated. Now, at least XW and I have been civil enough that if I wanted to take them out to dinner or something when I can afford it, it's not a problem.

Anyway, I can't speak for your H as I'm not all too up on your history, but, as a father I can say that the reality that hit me post D of the impact on our kids stabbed my heart harder that and bludgenment that XW could dish. Hopefuly in your case, it will do the same for him and he will not bolt as in some other cases here, which completely disgusts me.

And who knows, it might be enough to slap him in the face and wake up?

On a side note, I am noticing a odd pattern here that most of us all have kids with some sort of disability, I know that factored in to my sitch, S12 was a handful for years and unruly during our problems.