So, lets see...you guys had an argument and instead of responding in a way that would be helpful....would more than likely mean him owning his part in the problems....he turns it all around on you. You be the bad girl LH and that keeps him from having to face his issues and how they negatively affect the marriage. He succeeded in making you feel miserable and he has also succeeded in causing you to give up to the point that you are going to start living with the status quo. Boy, he is good!!
He laid a load of shame on you because it's easier than handling his own shame over his inability to give you what any normal, self-respecting wife has a right to expect from a husband and a marriage. He is tired of listening you and no longer has any sympathy for you and your situation? He is so focused on avoiding the discomfort of having to deal with the situation that he is willing to dump on his pregnant wife. I'm sorry but it smells a little narcissistic to me.
My ex used to roll his eyes at me. So dismissive. Oh, he never came out and said the things your husband did but I'm sure he was thinking them. I discussed, prodded him to try and do something to make it better. He would apathetically comply with my wishes and then things would carry on as they had always been. For years I thought it was something about me...he lacked enough love for me. I see him doing the same things to his children now and I know how much the man loved them. He absolutely will not get involved in discussing with them or doing anything that might mean him having to change in anyway no matter how much pain they express to him that they are feeling.
You know what he does do though...he turns it around on them. He makes it about them needing too much or asking too much or their feelings are wrong or they should just sweep it under the rug and move on. He asks them why they are still angry after all this time or tells them they are silly to be angry. He goes to great extremes to get out of participating in something that might cause him discomfort even if it means his children have to suffer pain.
It's called emotional apathy and people who suffer from it will transfer their problems to you every time. What do I think you should do? I think you should put down The 5 Languages of Love and pick up a book on setting boundaries.
During my marriage I pleaded, changed, turned myself inside out to try and cause change and it did nothing at all except cause me more and more pain and feelings of rejection. My 19 year old told me the other night that I had extended him an open invitation to walk all over me. He said, "mom, the first time you ask someone not to walk all over your feelings. The second time you tell them not to walk all over your feelings and you tell them the consequences of walking all over your feelings and you let them know you mean what you say." He is a smart kid.
LH, your husband your husband is failing to understand something and maybe it's because you are failing to send him to proper message. Whatever his reasons for dismissing your feelings his words and actions toward his pregnant wife are contemptable and he should be told that. Cathy
