Magnificent

[kat727]

Have you spoken to the C about funds? I know mine was awesome when I was in between insurance coverages and she and I worked out something we both felt was fair and doable.

I so hope that you are able to continue as it will make such a difference in your life.

kat

[MichelleLT]

I worked out a payment plan with my C to spread things out. Plus a broke soon-to-be divorcee discount lol.

Eventually, it will reduce your stress. But it won't be an easy path.

In fact, I'd go so far as to say that the stress you are feeling is necessary. We don't change because it's easy. And it's not very easy to change old habits. It will be a painful growing process.

But it will be worth it!

[kat727]

How did today go? Were able to work things out with your C as far as payments? Hoping it was all good.

kat

[mishka422]

C was ok. Going over how to overcome self-esteem issues. Again, it just feels really self-indulgent to do this but if I come out of with even one scrap of confidence in any part of my life it will be worth it.

I didn't have time to talk about the payments. I'm thinking I will try to email the office manager today and see if I can arrange it that way.

Marc has been sick the last couple of days. He was coming down with it on Sunday but it seemed like a sinus problem more than an illness. Of course, mother of the year that I am, I sent him to school Monday morning even though he was feeling miserable. He didn't have a fever, just congestion and a slight cough which I was attributing to sinus drainage. The school clinic called me at 1:30p on Monday to come pick him up because he was running a fever over 100. Just great! When I got to the school there were 4 other kids sitting there with the same glassy-eyed look on their faces. There was a stack of withdrawl slips laying on the desk over an inch thick! Nearly half of the school was out sick. This is a school with over 3,000 students so with so many of them out it looked a little strange. He's doing better now but being out of school for a day and half is going to make it nearly impossible for him to catch up. He's already pretty far behind and it's only the 4th week.

[kat727]

We have had awful allergies going around. Have been fighting them and miserable for about a week. I kept s13 home one day last week and he swore he made everything up. Never had a fever though.

Hope it isn't anything to be too worried about. As far as C, you aren't used to putting yourself first. You do need to. Especially since Marc and your Mom count on you. You are doing this for them too. a healthy and happy you makes for a happy and healthy family.

hugs, kat

[MichelleLT]

Sorry to hear Marc was sick, glad he's feeling better.

He will just have to catch up or repeat classes. You are the mom, but you can't do his homework for him. He will feel the consequences of whatever he chooses to do.

Ditto to Kat - it's good and necessary to put yourself first sometimes. Just do it!

(((Mishka)))

[mishka422]

He will have major consequences. No amount of consequences at home faze him, so it's going to have to come from the school level. It's really too bad.

Gabe texted me today to ask if I had plans for this weekend with Marc. I don't yet because I don't know what my work schedule will be at the store. He asked if he could pick Marc up Friday night and keep him until Sunday then. Marc will miss the first home football game as a high school student but he seems ok with that suddenly. Fine by me. Who knows, maybe I'll find some time to do something fun this weekend. No idea what, but we'll see. I'm actually off work from my full time job this Friday until next Wednesday! I just don't know about the store. I asked for it off too but probably won't get it since it's a holiday. Fingers crossed though! That many days in a row without having to work somewhere is like a dream!

[Reincarnated]

Mish--I am so glad that you went to IC. It is going to feel uncomfortable, frustrating...sometimes you'll come out feeling worse than better. But like a few others said, it is growing pains - you want to change being comfortable with beating yourself up
Did you get an email for the IC? She might be more able to work with you on the payments. You should have access to her between sessions, anyway, whether to drop an email or leave a message (I do both as needed).

Any word from school about how to address the homework issue? As a parent, you can call a PPT and they have to hold one within a certain number of days (a good book is called Navigating the Special Education Maze, or something like that). You really have to advocate for him. When my kids needed speech, I was told to my face that the school "had to provide services, not the best services." It was up to me to push for what they needed.

Marc sounds like he had the flu...we just had training on it yesterday. Do you have Tamiflu for your mom?

I REALLY hope you get off from the grocer.

[MichelleLT]

Hope you get a few days off in there!

I am having the same problem with my jobs. I have a 4 day weekend at my full-time job, but I work my retail job Saturday and Sunday. Ah well.

[mishka422]

I am off from both jobs!!!!!! WWWWOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!!! I don't know what the heck I'm going to do, but it will just be nice not to have to go to work for a few days.

I've had a very productive morning. Got Marc off to school, read the boards a little while I had my coffee, started some laundry, went for my walk, mowed the lawn until the mower ran out of gas, mopped the kitchen and both bathrooms, and took a shower (cause I STANK after all of that!). Whew....I'm exhausted and it's not even 1pm yet!

Marc is going to Gabe's tonight and now he tells me that Gabe might take him and the broom's son to the football game tonight. I won't have any option but to see them I'm sure. I can't very well ignore my own son just because he brought hers. She is apparently working her 2nd job tonight. Hmmm....she's working 2 jobs, I'm working 2 jobs and Gabe is working one little part-time job? Yea, that seems about right doesn't it? LOSER! I know....don't let it bother me, right? It doesn't as long as I don't think about it.

As far as everything else, it's just pretty much ho hum. The C asked me if I could tell her something really good that happened in the last month. I stared at her for a couple of minutes racking my brain trying to come up with something and came up totally empty. What I finally blurted out (since I have such a sick sense of humor).....'well...I made to today. That's something really good isn't it?' She smiled and said yes, it's good but does that make you feel happy, fulfilled and content? Ummmm...no. It just makes me realize that I have to do it again and again so that Marc isn't alone and mom has someone to take care of her. She asked me what I like about being single. Oh God! Wrong question. She listed off some good things she sees in being single (she is single - widowed) such as freedom to come and go as she pleases, eating whenever she wants and not fixing big meals all the time, not answering to anyone else about her whereabouts, quiet time, etc. As she listed those I realized that although I'm single, I have none of those. I answer to my mother and my son. I'm never alone. I have to cook for everyone even though I don't want to eat what they like because it's too fattening but I don't want to cook something extra just for myself. CRAP! So, what is good about it? The loneliness? The realization that no matter how much you care for everyone around you that no one will be there to care for you now or in the future? The poverty? The subsequent depression because of the before mentioned things? ICK!

She warned me that C would probably make the depression worse for a while until I work through some of this and that without AD's it's going to be even harder. I see what she means. I don't lay in bed anymore and cry every night until I wear myself out, but I stop moving for a few minutes and it hits me like a ton of bricks. This stinks!

Well....gotta get back to doing some work to keep my mind from this dark spot. See....it is better. At least it's a 'spot' and not a 'pit'!