A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

Evening recap...

So right as I was typing the bit about learning to be ok with my feelings, H pipes up with some ruminations about the potluck. He said that while he didn't experience any social anxiety at the function, he was feeling a surge of rebound anxiety now that he was home. He said he thinks he *was* anxious at the function, but was stuffing it as long as he was there. I listened, I asked leading questions and the anxiety seemed to be related to the usual am I good enough, witty enough, will people like me, etc. and had nothing to do with 'what are people thinking of me showing up here with my alleged ex-wife?' (Note to self: Big holy deal here!! He revealed inner feelings/experiences. This is a huge first!)

So I told him what I told you folks about working so hard in IC on allowing myself to name and feel my feelings, and how that made life so much easier, made the negative feelings so much less of a burden, etc. When I first started talking, he rolled his eyes as if I was going to lecture him or something, but I was careful with my language and made sure I only talked about me. Midway through, he was listening with interest and said there was wisdom there, stuff he would have to think on and take to heart.

Then we ended up on the same couch with H's toes tucked under my butt for warmth. And I got a very vivid lesson on why the man won't allow me to come anywhere near his bed.

When he falls asleep, all the walls come down and he's besotted in love with me. He shifted a bit while reading and I looked up from my book and into his eyes. He made kiss motions at me and gave me three sleepy squeezes, which I returned. Then he fell fast asleep with his nose still in the book.

About 10 min later, I softly asked him if he was sleeping (it was bedtime for kidlet). He blinked, and said yes, his feet were warm.

Dang rollercoaster! But the good outweighs the bad and hey - I got an 'I love you' tonight and that's progress even if it was non-verbal and half-asleep.

@ C-Bart - LOL! Terribly sorry, but yes, I am distressingly female. So what did it for you - the girl-girl bonding, the talk of bells and dresses or me turning into a green-eyed monster? <grinning>