Dia! There's a store like that 2 blocks from me!!! No kiddin'! We live in a historic neighborhood, and at the closest major intersection there's a store, "The Kilt and Clover"! I'm on it! Immediately! Hell, I'm even on it BEFORE I shower and get ready for him to get home today... BBIAB!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
This catalog has the 'look' H likes. Look at the romantic, girly styles, not the chic, urban ones or the "Michael Jackson called. He wants his epaulets back." ones.
H just got home. He's home early due to the kidlet's PTA potluck tonight. He arrived to find primped and pretty wifey barefoot in the kitchen preparing a truly amazing salad for said potluck.
Then he told me that MIL's flowers had arrived about 15 mins ago and she was touched and dumbfounded. She showered H with thanks and appreciation, especially remarking on the sweet and heartfelt message (which I wrote). I smiled and told H I was glad she liked them, and not to worry, I didn't need for my role to be known at all. I simply thought they would brighten her day.
I am guessing that what happened next was motivated by a sincere desire on H's part to praise me. He told me that my gesture, in particular the part about not wanting or needing any recognition for it, would rank especially high among Jewish folk. He must have seen the 'look' that flitted across my face, because he immediately began scrambling.
See, H does not know that I know OW and family are Jewish. But Dia, being nearly Ph.Deed in Comparative Religion, knows what it means when several "Judaism for Goyim" books show up on a Catholic boy's shelf along with a pretty Jewish calendar.
H: Oh, I guess I should provide some context for that, huh? I was talking with some Jewish people today.
Dia (brightly): Oh really? Someone at your work is Jewish? (Put pressue on A w/o him knowing I'm doing it.)
H (suddenly looking at the ceiling): Uhhhh, wow, who *was* I talking to? I can't remember if it was Mom or Dad, but they know some Jewish people. What's that white stuff you're putting in the salad dressing?
Dia: Arsen- er, stevia, dear. It's a sweetener.
(Ok, so I didn't really say the part about arsenic...out loud.)
Last edited by Dia; 09/03/0912:04 AM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
I can't wait for the friggen' potluck where I will be the most charming wife and hostess you have ever seen. An H needs to look the F out because if he dares to introduce me as his ex-wife, I swear to God I will shake hands, smile and say, "Yes, his mistress couldn't be here tonight. Salad?"
Would I really? Maybe not, but it isn't a good night to push me. <sweetly brittle smile>
Last edited by Dia; 09/03/0912:18 AM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
I (for a couple days now) have been waiting for a post that says you guys have a big bust-up. Not fatal, but substantial. Gut feeling only.
Be that as it may ... you are going to have to decide what to do with that anger before it does something with you. (Note that I don't mean to say it isn't warranted. At all. I'd be ready to spit glass shards. But .... it was complicated how you guys got here. Which is why you're exercising patience. Yes?)
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
Well, the anger dissipated w/in the first few minutes of the potluck. I was simply having too good a time to be angry. H stayed by my side and introduced me by my name, which was fine. The town extrovert and good-hearted gossip maven told me privately that I have it made in the shade, so that's interesting. She's the kind who knows if it's a boy or a girl before you've even read the pregnancy test, so perhaps I will take some hope in that.
Re: anger... You know, it's amazing how quickly negative feelings dissipate when you're willing to actually feel them. Thanks to FOO issues, I grew up thinking that it wasn't OK to have, much less express, negative feelings. There were some strange IC sessions for me where I couldn't even put a name to certain feelings because I'd never been 'allowed' to feel them.
So now, yes, I feel anger - and I allow myself to feel it, to express it - but then it sort of just goes away. I'm not stuffing it, so it feels a little unusual.
Yeah, the situation will eventually be fatal for the M if it doesn't change, but that's a-ways down the road and I'll deal with it when and if it comes. (Afterall, tomorrow *is* another day. /scarlett)
As for the current OW, that's complicated. He took up with her about 4 months after I left. I had already filed. On the one hand, yeah, it was kinda quick to get involved with someone (pot, kettle - I know) so she's a rebound for sure. By the time I plucked up enough courage to bring up reconciliation, he was already seeing her - and he told me no. On the other hand, I sorta can't blame him for dating. The whole dating while divorcing thing is so grey.
So, it hurts that he's seeing her. It makes me angry that he's seeing her. But I don't feel betrayed like I did with OW1. And that's why I'm being patient. For now.
I'm open to suggestions for what to do about the anger, though - as well as input on how to handle the OW sitch it anything thinks there's a better/ different way to go about it.
Last edited by Dia; 09/03/0902:39 AM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
I have just checked out the links to the dresses. They are absolutely beautiful. You can't get anything like that here where I live. All the good stuff is where you are.
Aren't they gorgeous!?!?! I like that red peasant dress.. Can't they ship to Oz? I may order it, but not if you are, because we wouldn't want to show up in the same dress here, ya know? LOL
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
