Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[sandi2]

Hey.....look at my guy Stuck! Now he has been to the WAW School of Hard Knocks--and he learned! Thankfully he is passing it forward to others and is being a big help here on the board.

You men will learn but it is hard for you b/c we women are designed so differently. You can't think of us in the same terms as with men. That is where people get into their problems in M a lot of times.....forgetting their S does not "think" like they do. Anyway, as I said before, when it is a case of what I think of as "true WAW", it hardly ever has much to do with OM's looks. I'm not sure about personal success, etc., but I do know it is more on how OM makes the WAW feel. Stuck summed it up very well in his description.

In any event, speaking of "illusions", does this also require her to keep feeding herself negative illusions of me to prop up the positive illusions of the OM? Are the two illusions dependent upon one another or separate?

Oh yes! Very much so. If she were to open her eyes to see you the way you really are, then there is a good probability that OM would not look near so good to her and then she would have to face some other realities she is running from...and then her fantasy castle would begin to crumble and soon her entire dream world would collaspe. Naturally she is going to strive to make the LBH be the "bad guy" in every situation b/c she must be justified to leave H and have approval of others to go to OM. The more she trashes her H to her friends/relatives, the more H will appear to be rotten to the core and apparently had everyone fooled. Some people think, "Well, you never know what goes on behind closed doors." Obviously not everyone will believe that, but some will b/c they "want" to. Gives some folks something to talk about.

Listen, I realize how sick this all sounds to you men. How do you think I feel knowing "I" was that woman? I had/have one of the nicest men for a H that ever walked this planet and yet I was on my way of nearly convincing my mother that he was not the man he pretended to be and was not a good H to me. I needed for her to approve of me turning to OM and I knew she would never hear of it unless she turned against my H. Now.....here's the kicker. I don't think I allowed myself to realize what I was doing at the time I was doing it. Maybe that is a nice way of saying I would not "admit" to myself what I was doing! When I look back...it is hard to know b/c my mind was in so much fog. I mean the way I was trashing my H to my mother, and all the fault finding I was feeding my own mind --in order to find OM more appealing. Yes, I had to put my H down in every way I could think of--so that OM would be the "answer" to all my problems and bring me happiness. Think about it....how or why would a wife leave a wonderful man who everyone loves and thinks she is lucky to have? BJ, you were talking about those women being attracted to you, etc., and you couldn't understand why your wife can't see that and know you are the better man. The sad fact is.....she does know (subconsciously) but she has it burried deep and doesn't want to dig it up. If she does that, then she has to say good-bye to her drug of choice. She is hooked on that drug and doesn't want to give it up and will FIGHT to keep getting it. Just as we can't understand why a drug addict would do some things he does, it is the same for a WAW. It makes no sense whatsoever! I have been there and it still makes no sense. All I know that in my own case, I was so unhappy for so many years and felt so neglected that I was not only vulnerable to what happen, I was an A waiting to happen! Women get desparate for happiness--and romancejust as men get desparate for sex! That is how females are wired. Men go through that just long enough to court a woman and get her wedded and then he is through! He won the prize and now life continues, but the woman wants that romantic courtship to continue! So many women are longing for romance in their lives that that is why many are depressed and unhappy. "Most" men do not realize that romance to a woman is like sunshine to a flower. So, it goes back to something the OM says to feed the soul of that woman and it makes her glow inside. He may look like a frog, but in her mind.....she will see him as her prince! She thinks he has come to save the day and will sweep her away and they will live happily ever after. I know....it sounds like a stupid fairytale, but that is exactly what the WAW wants! She wants a fairytale. Her mind is in the clouds and you can't reason with her. She wouldn't recognize logic if it met her on the street and said, "howdy".

I say so much of the same stuff over & over but I don't know how to word it so that most men can "understand" what a WAW is thinking or going through. It took me a long, long time to get where I was as a WAW. I think that women feel that they have "missed" something or feel denied...maybe....I don't really know, but it is like they have a dream of being romanced and courted by the man they love and in their minds..the M is over b/c there is no feelings of being in love any longer. She may try to satisy that longing by reading romance novels and watching love stories, etc.,but if she continues along that path and doesn't find some type of peace & happiness in her life, then I believe she sets herself up for falling for some guy's line and believing every line of BS he feeds her. Now, I can't speak for every single woman out there b/c maybe there are particular circumstances in some M's, but I can tell you about "me" and from what I've read, it is pretty much the common symptom of WAW's.

I have been amazed at how many women I see in the doctor's waiting room sitting therre reading romance novels. Almost in every case, she is about middle age or even younger and most of the time she is over weight (another sign of unhappiness or unrest)and some will even have the H sitting beside her and he looks as if he hasn't a clue of what is going on. I want to get him and shake him and tell him he better wake up and start romancing his wife and telling her she is the hottest thing on earth and anything else that makes her feel special.....before she stops feeling anything for him. B/c after he wakes up to what he's done through neglect, and he is ready to go to work on the M.......she will be done.