Putting Out the Fire with Gasoline...

[Startingover2]

How was your weekend?

[blindsided1]

I'm doing well. Had a great weekend. Lots of fun, sun, swimming, bbq's. Kendall was with her Dad. She seemed to be okay when he brought her home. I barely speak to him much. I will try to write some more tonight or tomorrow. I know I've been MIA. Hope all is well. Love you

[blindsided1]

Okay. Finally, I have a chance to catch up a little.

Had a great weekend. Had a BBQ and pool party at my house on Saturday. It was a blast. We all had a good time. Sunday, did some housework, made Pot Roast and a dutch apple pie.

On Friday, ExH was supposed to pick up K from school. I hadn't talked to him in two weeks. It was nice. Anyway, at 4:30 I called and she was still there. So, I told the teacher that I was on my way and I picked her up. I didn't call ExH or anything. I just figured...maybe he forgot again. And, this time, and by the way everytime...It's not MY responsibility to make sure he is taking his visitations. So, I picked her up. Didn't call him. Took her home. She went swimming. About 5:30 he calls and asks me where we are. Duh? I tell him at home. "Okay, I'm on my way to get K". So, I ask why didn't you pick her up from school. He tells me he was running late. That's because he and OW and her kids went to San Diego for a mini vacation. I heard later that it wasn't that great. OW said it was just ok. GOOD. So, AGAIN, K isn't THE priority. I'm getting used to that. I don't make any effort to go the extra mile for him anymore. I'm soooooooo over it. He comes to get her and she is wet. I said, "I'll be right back. I'll go get her some clothes." He hands her to me and says, "Just take her upstairs to change her." So, I do. He follows me. I should have known. Well, it so happens that my nephew is upstairs in my bedroom playing playstation. He says "Hi Uncle ExH". I start changing K and I notice H walking into the double sided bathroom and he is going around the corner to the other side. So, I wonder...what is he looking for and I ask "what are you doing?" He doesn't answer. So, I go to see what he is snooping around for.....well, there he is with his penis sticking out. For the love of God. My 9 year old nephew is around the corner, so is K AND I really don't need to see his penis....I've seen it many many times. I was pissed. I just walked out.

The man is a creepy sometimes.

So, he brings her home on Sunday. NO nudity or advances this time. But, Kendall kisses him goodbye...like four times. He says "I love you baby see you in two weeks." I can't even imagine not seeing my child for two weeks or even hearing her say Mama or anything. So, he drives off and she is reaching for him and saying "dada". I had to turn around because I wanted to cry so hard. I just pray to God that she will be okay emotionally without him being a part of her life so much. I just pray she'll grow up without Father issues or feeling abandoned.

I hate him. I just don't want her to ever hurt or feel like she isn't as important as her brother whom he lives with full time and had when she was only 9 months old.

[Startingover2]

He has some serious issues! EWWWWWW!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

AH!!! wow, he definitely is not happy. omg, if she had any idea he did that??? yikes. but, it doesn't totally surprise me. he is in desperate need of something and he has no clue what it is. just trying to get whatever he thinks will make it work for him.

glad you were able to not freak out and just leave.

hey, like I said, I don't understand it either, but my H, and he was/is a good person, hardly saw his first born. the guy was 27 years old when s11 was your babies age. he saw CJ twice a month for like 3 years. does that make sense? I think if your exh had been with K everyday for so long and THEN left, I think it'd probably be a little different. even though SO2s sitch is like that, imho it would be worse if her exh had never been there in the beginning.

but like gabby said, she will be okay because YOUR providing that consistency and that love. find a male role model/models that will be the same for her, so she can see how a woman SHOULD be treated and what REAL men do.

[Startingover2]

How are you doing lately? See your updates on FB!! Looks like you are doing well.

[blindsided1]

Haven't been on here much. Life is starting to get busy and without a home computer....just can't seem to find as much time.

With that said...simple update. Things have been going fine. I don't really talk to ExH between his visits. This give me two weeks free from him. But, it seems that he reaches out right before it's his visiting weekend and will call me. Sometimes, if I don't pick up, he'll call a dozen times in a row until I do. But, to my disappointment...he just talks about sex and asks me if I am interested. My standard response is "we aren't married anymore. You're with someone else." Then I go on to talk about our daughter...changing the subject and then I get off the phone. I've been pretty good about detaching and keeping busy. But, there are some nights....when I'm in bed and I rehash the hurt and the his actions and cruel words. And, I cry myself to sleep. It doesn't happen a lot. But, it still happens at least once a week.

In a way, it feels like when my dad died....I got past the really horrible pain of it...but, the pain sneaks up on you when you aren't really expecting it.

I now know that he is NOT the man for me and I have given it over to God. I have faith in His choices. I am not a overly religious woman, but I do believe K was a gift. She came at THE MOMENT my Husband was leaving me after trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant for five years. That is NO coincidence. But, in return, I was cheated on, verbally abused, emotionally abused and my family was destroyed. Mysterious ways...mysterious ways.

Other than that...K is GREAT. She is soooooo her father, though. Ugggghhh. She is totally willful and drives me batty. She is great about helping me, she will pick up toys, she understands a whole heck of a lot. But, if you tell her NOT to do something....she'll do it one way or another and look over her shoulder at you while she's doing it....knowingly. Even her teachers talk about it. She's 15 months!!!! What am I gonna do?

On the other hand, she is the best cuddler in the world and the way she says "Mommy" in that sweet little babygirl voice....my heart melts.

We started swimming lessons yesterday. She did really well. They tried to teach her to blow bubbles in the water...she drank it instead - yuck. She mastered jumping off the edge into my arms - of course. But, half way through....she threw up all over me in the pool...too much chlorine? I think so! Then she fell asleep as I floated her around on her back.
Of course, It's MY child that throws up. Hopefully, tomorrow's class will go better.

Hope you're all doing great. Need to catch up with your threads.

xoxoxo

[S.T. _I Made It!]

awe poor thing!!! I'm sure she had lots of fun other than the vomiting!

and hey, ALL kids try to do exactly what they aren't suppose to do, it's just some are more sneaky than others. haha. just keep your boundaries/punishments consistent. just think...because she is testing the limits, she is a curious little girl, and the more curious she is, the more she will learn. she will be a smart little one.

[Startingover2]

I am sure today's swimming lesson will be better.

Consider yourself lucky you don't have to deal with your exh on a daily basis like I do. Its exhausting trying to keep him in line and my emotions in check.

[blindsided1]

Has anyone seen pigs flying around?

My ExH actually called yesterday morning to ask how KC's swim classes were going. What the hell? She is 15 months old and he hasn't ONCE called to see how she is between his visits.

Other than that, doing well. Life is quiet right now. I'll take it. H is civil...for now....when I DO speak to him. Still makes sexual advances though. Ah....OW's a lucky girl.