Thanks you Snodderly, BND and nlt for your posts. I hope you are alright. – OMG, I just noticed that I haven't been on the board for over a month!
In the meantime quite a few interesting things happened. For one, I thoroughly enjoyed August and it made up for the lousy summer we had until then. I went swimming almost daily and enjoyed the area I live in very much. It was almost like being on holiday only it was free! I also continue to GAL.
However, occasionally my mood swings are still from very high to very low and on some days I am still very sad. (I never had any mood swings before this crises.)
Here is the update re XH:
XH wrote to me in a more relaxed and funny way and also told me a bit about his life, more in the style the old XH wrote.
A few weeks after I talked to XMIL she phoned me to convey a message to XH. So I did and also wrote that she was not well. I was told by XH that he doesn't communicate with her anymore and doesn't want me to be the messenger. He asked me not to call her anymore and not to mention her to him anymore either! He also wrote a few other things and at the end of the e-mail he made a joke.
I wrote a very long e-mail to him talking about all the things I did etc. and that I hope he won't be bored when reading it. He replied that he wasn't bored but enjoyed reading about the life he left behind! He even signed the e-mail with "kiss XH"!!! (he has never done that before). In his following e-mails he mentioned several times that the area I live in is hard to beat and that sometimes he misses it.
Then his birthday was around the corner and I wished him well on the day before since he was going away. He thanked me and wrote that he is healthy at the moment and happy and has "everything he needs" (whatever that means). He also mentioned a few things he did.
I sent him a photo of the area as his bd card by e-mail. He replied that he recognised where the picture was taken from. That he was thinking the other day that we did indeed enjoyed many good years together, despite the ODD arguments! That he never told me before but I was a good wife to him (he used my pet name). I was quite astonished about what he wrote and that he suddenly wrote "odd arguments" after telling me often that we argued ALL THE TIME before he left.
He also admitted that he liked to stay in touch with me and that only the business with me taking the money from his property turned him against me. And if I returned it he might even start to like me again (and he put a smiley at the end of the sentence)! (I just ignored that comment.)
After that e-mail I didn't write for about 6 days and I suddenly received an e-mail asking whether I was OK. In the past I often went dark for weeks and he never asked me that before.
Recently he started writing to me more often and sent infos and jokes, etc., wishing me a good time. He also replied to my mails within hours. I thought he might be bored since he started to write often, opening up to me quite a bit and writing in a more funny way.
Bingo! He wrote that he is a bit bored and that he might need a change and go away!
I am still not replying immediately to XH's mails but always wait a few days.
I am still looking for "Mr. Right" and just put an ad in a local magazine. I met a few more guys but I wouldn't have liked to spend my life with any of them.
Autumn is starting and I hate to think that afterwards winter will follow.
I decided not to post so often but might update from time to time. I noticed that it always makes me sad to read on the BB since it brings back memories. I need to look and move forward and not live in the past, but I find it so hard to do.
I wish you all a nice autumn, and maybe a few nice and warm days will still be left. Take care.
BND: I hope everything is fine with you and your family.
