Hi Rob, I'm doing okay...I know something will come of all this...and I'm trying to stay open to many possibilities while also stepping up and taking care of what I have to do...
After S12 left I think it hit me a lot harder than I thought it would...My sadness went far beyond missing my son - and made me realize that it had a lot to do with my own unhappiness - and the fact that I need to do a lot more to maintain my happiness for myself.
I need to do a lot more to maintain my happiness for myself
It is very easy for us to put our own needs aside as we look to care for others, isn't it?
You are clearly not alone w/this as I've done it too. My sadness of my dog and then starting w/school and the pressures and demands it brings allowed me to put my needs on the back burner and now I'm upset at where I've let myself go physically.
I too need to recharge and refocus, so like has often been the case, we're in a parallel life rut right now.
I think it's just been so natural for me to put my own needs aside that I struggle still with making my needs a priority - and I know that I have to do that - in a healthy way - in order to be a better father, man, etc.
Losing a pet can be so very brutal - I don't think people realize just how sad it can be to lose such a beloved part of our lives. While still together, B and I had a dear cat die of cancer a few years ago - it was just devastating.
How is the recharge and refocusing going? I've been trying to do a lot of that myself the last couple days. The long weekend was much harder than expected. I had wonderful day with S2 at the beach on Saturday - but then spent far too much time by myself on Sunday and Monday...I did get to see S2 Monday afternoon, as always, but the time alone made me feel the absence of my children in a big way. By the time S2 was home with me on Saturday, I was holding him above me, laughing with him, and once again - the joy brought a torrent of tears...same thing happened to me again yesterday..a lot of it just comes from missing S12 so much.
S12 called me late Monday night - he was crying when I answered the phone - and he told me that he missed S2 and me very much - and that he tried talking about it with his mom and her husband, but that he really just wanted to talk with me. It was gut-wrenching to hear him cry...I told him that I was proud of him, that he's a remarkable boy and that I knew he would thrive while there. I also said that sometimes we deal with tough moments in our lives, and don't always see the good things that will come of it, but as we work through them, and keep doing what we have to do, that we will always be fine. I then told him that I admire him, and respect him - and that I knew he would make the most of his time while we're apart.
When we hung up the phone...I fell apart....
I still have a lot of work to do on myself...still have a lot of healing to address...I think the trick is not to dwell on the pain and sadness - to feel it - let it go - but then to do things...just do things, since who we are, in the end, is so very determined by our actions...not our thoughts about our actions...it's true about how we love, and true about how we live.
I'm sorry to hear your son was so upset. Is skype an option for keeping in contact with him? You could see as well as hear him.
I hope you take heart in knowing that he has an excellent role model in you of how a man treats his family, and also in knowing how much he adores you.
Hi Sharon, We have been able to talk online a few times - which has been wonderful. Last night, while my little boy was home with me, we chatted online with his older brother, and they were just adorable together...laughing, talking...S2 showed S12 a little car he had just made out of S12's Legos - it was rejuvenating to hear them both laugh together...it's what I miss most...watching my boys interact.
And thank you for your kind words...to be honest, I tend to doubt myself as a father/role model a lot more than I might let on here...sometimes the feeling of failure that has gripped me over this last year of my life just blurs all sense of security in myself...but I just can't let that doubt consumer me - since in it, despite the worst days of sadness, I know there is an opportunity to learn something vital - something that I can carry with me into the rest of my life - and something that I can hopefully pass on to my children.
I'm doing okay. Every once in a while it hits me hard how far away my S12 is - but I'm staying optimistic and take heart in knowing that I'll be spending his vacations with him this year - and that he'll be living with me again in just a couple years.
I'm having surgery on my torn ACL today - which will put me on crutches for 4 to 6 weeks - so I imagine that being immobile will have some impact on my mind and emotions - and I'm trying to prepare for that as well as I can...
Fortunately, I'll have my mom helping me for a week - she's already in town - and then I'll have a wonderful friend here helping me for the the following week after my mom leaves.
My baby boy is doing well - he turned three last week - and is just such a wonderful little guy - so full of life and joy. One of the pleasures I have these days is getting online and having my boys interact through video chat...it's very cute to see them figure out ways to play even when they're thousands of miles apart.
I'll check on you soon...right now I have to go get ready for my surgery...
Was just perusing the boards a bit and thought I would wish you well with your surgery and wish you a speedy recovery.
I am so glad to hear you have found a way for your boys to interact and play, even over the distance. What wonderful memories I am sure you all are making.
Knee problems are a bugger. O'dog would have his right-side iliotibial band removed if he could.
Last edited by orangedog; 09/24/0908:16 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
