Karen, Bill, Thanks so much for taking time to read & weigh in! I replied to him (because ignoring it just fuels the fire) & said I'm working on a reply (while I check w the L). I have not yet hired the L, but have been talking to one who was referred to me by my coworker (her H is a divorce L & this L works for him).
I am sorry about your H emptying your accts - that's horrible & unbelievable. And with kids! Sounds like you are cleaning up his mess very well but that had to be awful. Even now I can't really believe my H would do that but as I keep reading & posting I see so many others talk about how their WAS have done things they never dreamed of in their worst nightmares! I know I better listen up! Yes, it's been taking me about 5 mos. to consider that there's something going on - why the big push now? The L I've been talking to echos what you've said, best to have communication go through L's. I read Bill's thread & saw that, terrible how things take a sudden twist like that.
Excellent advice - I liked the woman I saw initially but given your advice I think I will talk to several more Ls now - not completely sure which type she is. I do know she must be pretty good as my coworker's H (who is partner at firm) is very successful.
I think you are right - I should stop saying I don't want D, it just seems to make things worse & completely stresses me out.
RE: GAL & 180s, those are areas I need to work on. For me the weekends are the hardest to fill, so I've started using a calendar to actually schedule activities (I'm anal I know!) I am looking at some art classes (love art but not good at it), spending time w my family & accepting ALL invitations to parties etc. even though I don't feel like going. I am definitely faking it til i make it! Bill asked me a while back what things I like to do & the sad thing I'm one of those people who's always thrown myself into my job (wking too many hrs. etc), then a few yrs. ago I went back to school & got a master's (think around this time I really got off track of paying attn. to my M) while working full time - ugghhh! What kills me is I can see the things I did wrong in our M, but H has said it's too late & so I come to these realizations now. Hard to believe a yr. ago we were talking about adopting & look at us now. When I asked H why he wanted to adopt if he was so unhappy then he said "I dont' know I thought it would change things".
Anyway, I was never very good about being good to myself so GAL is a challenge for me - I lap up all the suggestions I read about & am open to all suggestions.
For 180s, since we have such little contact I probably havent' worked on this as much as I should. We really did not argue & even though we used to talk every day I think for us it was lack of communication (about important stuff/problems) that really killed us.
These are my 180's. Please feel free to comment/suggest:
-Stopped pursuing/talking about R (I stopped trying to talk about R with him after reading DB about a mo. after he moved out. HE is the one bringing it up now that he wants a D.
- Being positive in my communications to him (usually email or text) rather than negative (DB coach helped w this) I continued this in my reply to his above email.
- Being out, not being home all the time esp. on weekends (but since he's gone he doesn't know this).
-Making effort to look my best (I know I let my appearance go downhill around the house) this is a good one that I kind of do for me now. And more to do!
Thanks so much for your input. I really respect your viewpoint and your hard-earned wisdom. A lot of good karma is coming your way for all the help you give! I don't know that I've been handling things that great but it sure means a lot to hear you say I have.
Bill you are awesome too & have given me much great advice. I wonder how I got along before finding this board! I'll keep you both & everyone on this board in my prayers & thoughts. Thank you again for your support! LFA
