One thing to realize is that I proposed (about a month ago) that she give me a year to prove myself, pay down the debt, find a good job, etc. She did not respond - in that e-mail above she states her immediate plans are to file for divorce. So she's blown that option off the table as far as I can tell.
I can't see how she's telling me what I need to do to change and win her back ....
Seems like people who are in your wife's situation, very rarely even give hints about what you need to do. and they pretty much never use words like "this is how you can win me back".
I think you need to stop looking for a statement like that, and look more at the overall context.
You said you think she has "blown that option off the table". Well, lets look at what she wrote specifically:
Quote:
What specifically are you repenting of? Have you visited your bishop and confessed? Has he given you a program of repentance to follow? Frankly I am skeptical, Two months of repentance doesn't seem enough after 11 years of out of control spending,...
She just didnt say "you're scum goodbye". She took the time to ask you, "show me what you have done, SPECIFICALLY". She took the time to ask you, "what specific plan are you following?"
She also said, "2 months.. doesnt seen enough". Ask yourself "enough for what?" It could mean a lot of things.
going on only what you have written just recently, you have in essence told your wife, "i'm trying really hard, trust me".
Most people in her position WILL IGNORE THAT COMPLETELY. "trying really hard", does not impress, after 10+ years of bad memories.
She wants to know HOW are you "trying really hard" SPECIFICALLY. She wants to know how you are going to be held accountable for your "trying". Which is why she asked about what specific plan you are following.
You are in a waaay better position than you realize. Most pepole's spouses, in your wife's position, wouldnt give a crap what you are doing. Yet she's taking the time to ask you about it.
Last bit of advice: she has a major problem with your anger. She commented about that, very very strongly, in the letter you quoted.
The #1, RIGHT NOW, thing, you need to do as "a 180", is to drop all anger from your communications with her. Beyond just looking at yourself to see if you "feel", angry... read and re-read everything you write to her, to ask yourself, "could she think this even SOUNDS angry?"
And you need to apologize to her. Briefly. Apologize for badgering her, and the anger, and tell her you have resolved not to communicate to her in that way any more. Dont ask for anything else. Just apologize, and state that intention,and drop it for a while.
She may file. she may not. that shouldnt change you improving yourself, in the areas she has made valid complaints about you.
