What does he want?

[Stronger]

cantbreathe....I can't tell you how important it really is that you do. really, your marriage does depend on it. and I don't mean be a doormat....but be bigger and walk away.

[cantbreathe]

It was a pretty good night. I felt calm and relaxed and it helped so much. I tried to act completely normal and overall it was. He was not very affectionate with me, but was smiling and talking. Didn't pull away if I touched his hair or arm. He texted me a couple times today to update me on when he'd be home. Gave me a kiss goodnight and might, just might, have said love you too. It was hard to tell as he was walking away.

We had a couple moments when he started to be a little jerky and I just ignored it. They faded rather quickly without me engaging. I think he was a little tense, but I ignored it. In all likihood he was waiting for me to bring it up or bitch. Finally - he was mistaken. I let him be when he went to bed early and I am here. Hanging out on the computer and watching tv just like I would have pre-bomb.

For myself, I colored my hair today and took a long hot shower and used some good smelling lotion before he came home. Helped me relax and maybe he noticed? Either way, good for me.

I feel much less anxious today. We even discussed where we should go for dinner with friends on Saturday. I need to keep the momentum up. I think though that he thinks I'm being too nice to him. I think that maybe I haven't been nice enough for a long while and it's something I want to change. I want him to know that I value him. I'm not going overboard and I'm not kissing his butt. Just acting better myself.

[cantbreathe]

I so miss him being affectionate. I know it will take time and I am not mentioning it to him. He has always touched me a lot, you know a hand on the back, arm resting on my leg, etc. Basically if he can reach, he'll touch me. He's also never turned me down for sex before this.

I miss all of it so much. I know he knows. He hasn't been able to touch me since he got home after the kiss. There's been moments here and there, but not even more than a peck for a kiss yet. I know it is too soon. I know he has to deal with his feelings. When we talked the other night, he asked why I would want him to touch me if I think somethings going on. I told him I wouldn't. That I trust him and what he told me and that's why I want him to touch me, that I think it'd help. I'm just frustrated and lonely. I think it'd be very healing for us. I know it would make me feel like it's truly behind us. I want him to say he loves me consistently. I think he knows he does, but again, waiting.

Just venting. I can't say it to him. I know it will take time. This morning he kissed me goodbye and rested is hand on me for a moment when he did. So small, but he's been careful to barely touch me before. Just that little bit helped.

[Stronger]

All good things. Good for you.
I think we've talked about this before but you're confident OW is nothing, correct? All gone all done, right?

[dburt]

Remember when I got that first loving touch when my wife and I reconcilled. It makes you appreciate it a great deal more and it continues now.

After all of the BS, I am glad it happened, I am a better person for it, and we are in a much better place with our relationship. Now do I want to go through it again? No.

Remember, let him come to you through all of this, just do your thing, no R talks, except by him.

You are doing great,

Burt

[cantbreathe]

Thanks guys. I am pretty certain the OW is not a factor. I believe the entire time span was 2 weeks with no physical component except the kiss.

We had another good day. Couple quick calls from work and then actually hung out after the kids went to bed. We are going out with friends this Saturday and he actually suggested a date for us with some other friends next week. We even made plans for our anniversary. He is still being a little weird, but I am ignoring it. Told me he loved me too yesterday.

It is hard to not ask for reassurance that it's really over with the OW - even though it seems to have been done almost a month. It's hard to know that I may never have all my questions answered to my satisfaction. I am trying to tell myself that it doesn't matter. The past is the past.

[Stronger]

MWD has another book called Getting Through to the Man You Love: The No-Nonsense, No-Nagging Guide for Women.
Im reading it now. Love it.

As long as you are confident OW is not an issue anymore, that's all good. NEVER bring her up again or what happened. I think he's having serious guilt issues about it.

The past is the past.

[cantbreathe]

I think part of my issue with the OW is just that he waited so long to tell me much of anything. I got everything a piece at a time over several weeks, which made it feel new every time I found out another piece of info. It's hard to move forward while still getting mini bombs. Plus, you can only choose to believe and to trust. You can never know 100%. I'm sad that pureness is gone from our relationship, but I am trying to take this an opportunity to make our marriage stronger.

I just requested the book you mentioned from my library. When we agreed to a fresh start, we agreed it never happened. It was funny last night he made a couple wry/joking references to how this month has been. I was surprised.

[Stronger]

His way of trying to break any tension he may feel. Let it go.

[cantbreathe]

I did. I think it's good he's trying to break the tension. I understood.