I'd love to hear the rational thinking behind that statement that says physically separating and living separate lives is a good thing for a marriage: quite the opposite, people get used to living separately and without the other person and it can be very hard to reverse that once a person gets used to this.
I'll say it again, separation is a prelude to divorce: separate living equals separate thinking.
Why then are you so quick to suggest kicking out spouses having affairs as a way to save the marriage? I know you will have a good answer for this, but would like to read the rational.
The separation wasn't your idea was it Tristan? Whose idea was it? Who's running the show? Who's pulling whose strings?
Currently she is.
Turning this around and telling her to move out because she can't make a decision about you or the OM just shows that you respect yourself too much to be anyone's second choice. And in reality, everyone: you, me and the milkman all have to be willing, ready & able to let go of the people that openly hurt us, disrespect us, don't value the relationship they're in with us or care about our feelings.
It shows that you are taking control of the situation where for the longest amount of time you haven't had any control whatsoever. This will generate respect, the amount still remains to be seen but the observation will be that Tristan isn't anyone's fool or second option and that he controls his life, no one makes decisions about your life except for you - you demonstrate this with your actions, with your confidence, with your body language, with your ability to let go of people who would hurt you in a horrible way.
When you turn this around and make it look like it's now your idea to separate, not theirs, it throws their thought process out of whack: "wait a minute, I thought this was my decision?! He wants it more than I do? I don't have him anymore? Something is messed up here, I didn't picture it happening this way...." Once you start to throw in doubts here & there, it starts them questioning their own ideas about everything.
There is so much to be said on this topic and I could go on & on.
Attraction may not be a choice but Love is a choice. Love can't exist without respect. Currently she doesn't respect you because you communicate indirectly that you don't respect yourself. She also controls this situation and to a large degree, she controls you: how you feel, how you react to what she says, what's happening to your family, etc. Women don't respect men that they control easily. Taking back control of your life shows that you respect yourself and that you won't allow other people to dictate the events of your life.
