Once I was lost, but now I'm....still lost?

[upside_downer]

Hi Hoosier. Thanks for the kind words, everyone. Saturday went really well, considering the circumstances. Her family welcomed me back and even invited me to the family lunch after the service. I spoke with her boyfriend and he even told me he was glad I came because he knew that she cared about me. We shared some stories and things about her that annoyed us, or made us laugh, etc. Her service was so heartbreaking. There were so many people there, there was standing room only and people sitting on the couches on the side. I'd say it was easily over 100 people.

It was so hard to see her. I hadn't seen her for almost a year, so not seeing her, then seeing her laying in her casket in a dress she wore on our honeymoon made me cry so hard. I'm still completely heartbroken and feel a lot more closure now, but there are always going to be things I can't get over. I never got to say goodbye, I never got to hear her tell me she loved me again (her BF told me, but not the same), and we were never able to resync and become friends the way I wanted to. I feel like I will always have this hole in my heart because of her, but....I am feeling much more at peace with everything now.